Who Am I? The Ultimate Question🔗

An English teacher teaching the last class of the academic year in Literature prepared a few questions to get feedback from the students on the effectiveness and style of teaching. One of the questions in the list was, 'Have I influenced your attitude towards the subject?'

One student had written, 'No. I still like it.'

Many a time the answers we get in response to our questions may not necessarily be what we expect. One such question is, 'Who Am I?'

Of all the questions we ask in our lives this is perhaps the most important. There are many questions we ask during our lifetime…some out of innocence like a child out of curiosity… some to exhibit our knowledge and ego…some to check if others know, and some out of ignorance… without knowing why… expressing our confusion.

Most people who meet me start asking me about enlightenment and God. They express their wish to follow the spiritual path with my guidance and ask esoteric questions on karma and moksha. Without their awareness; I change the subject to other matters, and we talk about their personal lives, their families, their businesses, everything except anything spiritual! They never come back to their original question on spirituality. It does not matter to them really. The fervor with which they started their queries to impress me with their keen interest as well as their knowledge evaporates very quickly.

Now instead of asking half a dozen questions, if they took sincere interest in asking themselves the question 'Who Am I', it will answer all their other questions. The questioning attitude itself will dissolve. Be very clear…our mind survives by questioning. More answers means more questions.

'Kim tat Brahma kim atyatmam?' 'What is Brahman?' asks Arjuna of Krishna. Krishna says, 'if I ask you to repeat the question, you would have forgotten what you asked.'

We keep asking questions about all external objects and issues such as, 'Who is this?' or 'Who is that?'…however we never turn our questioning inwards to 'Who am I?'

Understand this…the fuel of our minds is questions. Unless we question that state of our mind, we can never come out of questions. What ever answer is given to a question can lead to another question. In a child that reflects curiosity. In an adult it reflects lack of wisdom. I tell my disciples that the answers I give to question posed by new comers are mere brain candy, aimed at keeping them happy. Once I find that the seeker is serious, I stop answering these questions, and the questioning stops. A mature mind does not need brain candy!

If I ask you, 'Who are you?' you will tell me about your status and relationships. These answers however do not answer my question. When you are by yourself, close the door of you room and start asking 'Who am I'? If you are well read in philosophy you will think you are the Atman, the Brahman, or the body. You think of yourself as your body out of sheer instinct as a body or if you think through intellect, that you are the Atman. But have you experienced this thought, either as body or as Atman?

We play with identities. We practice spiritual pursuits, also to establish an identity. To our boss we are obedient, when we turn to our subordinate we put on another identity, another mask; we continue to play with pseudo identities. Our life is a journey between birth and death. We have no idea why we were born. We have no idea when we will die. Our life is a bridge between two unknown points. This is because we play with pseudo identities, we have never asked ourselves the question, 'Who am I? ...What am I doing here?'

Who ever asked Ramana Maharishi a question, he would counter pose the question, 'Who is asking this question?' Questioning would then stop.

The smallest, but the greatest, book I have ever read is the sayings of Ramana Maharishi titled 'Who Am I?' When you ask this question, your questions become a quest, and your urge becomes urgent. Any questions that lead to answers will only add to your confusion. Only questions that lead you to experience, lead to bliss.

Have you noticed that the first few days after we acquire anything new, a car or a house, we are very excited; however once we achieve, that excitement disappears. Ramana says, 'Before you get it, even a mustard seed looks like a mountain; after you acquire it even a mountain looks like a mustard seed.'

Until we know who we are, the question of what we want cannot be answered. Till we know what we want, we will never be satisfied with whatever we achieve and acquire. Otherwise, at the end, we will find that whatever we have acquired is of no value to us.

The desires that lead us on this path of wants is not our own, but those borrowed from others. The feeling of 'mine' is the most dangerous trap that mind can set for us. It is never ending, never fulfilling, always leading to suffering.

Mahavira Jaina, the enlightened master who founded the religion of Jainism, said that each being that takes birth in this world, comes into this world with whatever is needed for its living, which is already provided by the Universe. Universe never denies. Yet, we are grabbing all the time... not because we need...but because we want, out of sheer greed, jealousy, and lust.

Ramana says, 'This Universe has enough to fulfill the needs of every single being who occupies it; however it can not fulfill the wants of even one being.'

Let me share a true incident with you...

Towards the end of his life Einstein was very depressed. He had turned to spirituality after his discoveries were put to destructive uses. One of his assistants asked him what he would do if he were to live his life again. Einstein replied, 'I would like to become a plumber.' Shocked the assistant asked, ‘Why? You have been extremely successful as a scientist, why would you want to be a plumber?’

Einstein replied, ‘All my life I have worked for all this and achieved what ever I wanted, but now…at the end I understand that my life is a big lie, a sheer waste. Right from my childhood I have always wanted to be a plumber, and I have been denied the joy of doing what I wanted. That’s why I want to be a plumber when I am reborn; to be what my Being wants to be.’

You see, the problem with winning a rat race is that even after winning one is still a rat! Be very clear….the depression of success is worse than the depression of failure. At least with failure we can continue to hope that we can succeed; but if we are successful we have nowhere to go. We may have climbed very fast yet that climb would have led us no where, or some where that made no sense.

People ask me in what way meditation help achieve ones desired goal…and whether it will give us whatever we desire.

I tell them that it may help in giving the required shakti (strength) to make all one’s dreams a reality, but will certainly give you the buddhi (intellect) to know that your entire reality is only a dream!

Vivekananda put it very beautifully in his statement ‘Until inner intelligence is awakened no book will help you; once it is awakened you do not need any books.’

Ramana says, ‘Once you start asking ‘Who am I?’ you will feel that you are not this body. You are the observer not observed. If you witness your thoughts you can experience the moods and emotions of your mind, so you are not your mind. If you search deeply you realize you are something else. That pure awareness is where your search ends.’

The space where you have neither answer nor any questions, where there is pure awareness, is enlightenment…is freedom!

I cut my thigh to experiment with what I had heard from Annamalai Swamigal : we are not the body but something beyond it. I went back to him and said that I indeed felt pain. He gave me a mantra and asked me to follow my thoughts to their source. I started playing with this technique and when I was twelve I had my spiritual awakening, as I tried to go to the source of my thoughts. I felt that I was neither the experiencer through intellect nor the experienced through instinct, but the experience itself. That experience is the Being.

If you keep questioning yourself constantly, ‘Who am I?’ the question leads you to that ultimate experience…the experience of the awareness of your Consciousness. It will not solve your questions, but dissolve all of them once and for all!

Q: When I ask ‘Who Am I?’ where does the answer come from?

A: If you ask just because a book says so, and ask for intellectual satisfaction, it stays only as a question. It has to become a quest…an urgent quest without finding the answer to which you can not rest. Your mind has to turn inwards and search desperately for the answer. Your questions will have to become a quest. Your urge has to be urgent. Let the question settle from your head to your heart and your Being. Meditate…you will then get the answer.

Q: What is Man’s Eternal Quest?

A: Man’s eternal quest is to find himself. Somebody once asked me if I am God. I replied that I am not God, I am above that. God is your imagination; the Self is real and superior!

Q: If I say that will I not be sent to an asylum?

A: Jawaharlal Nehru went on a visit to an asylum. There he met an inmate who thought he was Nehru. When Nehru introduced himself as Nehru to this inmate, this guy came up close to him and whispered, ‘Don’t worry. That’s what I too said when I came here. If you stay here for 6 months they will cure you too.’

Q: How can you be above Balaji (the deity in the temple at Tirupati, AndhraPradesh, India)

When you talk about God, you are talking only about the concept. When people go to the temple of Balaji, they go with faith not with understanding. Understand clearly that this is only business.

A small story:

Three businessmen took Balaji as a partner in their business venture. They agreed that one fourth of all the profits would go to Balaji. That first year, their profit was 4 million, however; they did not want to give Balaji one million as his share. The first man said, ‘What will Balaji do with all this, he has no children, we are his children.’ He said, ‘Let us dig a pit…throw the money in the air and give him whatever falls outside that pit.’ Another said, ‘We will dig a larger pit and retain all that falls into it.’ The third man said, ‘Let us keep it simple…let us throw all the money up, whatever Balaji wants he will keep, whatever comes down let us keep. We can not offer to Balaji what has fallen on soiled Earth.’

Understand clearly…all our prayers are business. In spite of it we feel energy. All our prayers, all our pilgrimages and rituals are only techniques to awaken our own internal energy.

Remember this…if you experience what your being is, it is Balaji himself; when you only think of Balaji as a deity, it is no more than a concept…nothing more than a word.

Q: How do you reach Aloneness?

A: If you try to search for Aloneness you get into one more bondage. Just let it be. When you feel lonely do not resist. When you are alone you will try to relate mentally with others. Drop that. Do not blame others for your loneliness. Allow the loneliness to happen to you without resistance. You will then feel alone even when you are surrounded by people. To start with, you need to experience physical loneliness. Once the joy of aloneness happens it stays with you even when you are not physically alone.

Q: I understood in a way, but not fully …

A: To have aloneness you need to do nothing; it’s your reality. For material comforts you need to work and struggle. A disciple asked a Zen Master, ‘How long does it take to enlightenment?’ The Master replied, ‘Just the time it takes to blink you eye. You are already enlightened. You only need to declare.’ The disciple asked again, ‘What happened when you attained enlightenment?’ The Master replied, ‘Nothing, I decided that from that day I shall live my enlightened state.’

People often ask me, ‘What will happen to my children, what will happen to my business when I get enlightened?’

I tell them…nothing will happen…however; you will be better than what you are, in whatever you do. You will not go to an ashram or to the Himalayas and run away from your life commitments. Do not be afraid of your own transformation!

A Man who was blind from birth went to a doctor. The doctor told him, ‘I can give eye sight and you will surely walk without a stick.’ The man replied. ‘I understand all you that say, but how will I walk without a stick?’

You can keep going round and round with no understanding happening. It is not something that you understand with the intellect…you have to experience to realize.

Q: What about nama smarana or repeating a mantra?

A: Repeating a mantra creates a relationship with a concept…it is again bondage…it is upassana or focusing outwards. Instead do vipassana, which is watching your breath, turning your mind inwards rather than upassana which is watching a name.

Q: Do I become spiritual upon enlightenment?

A: No, neither spiritual or material. Only till enlightenment, you are one or the other. All becoming is material, all Being is spiritual. Upon enlightenment you are as you are. You are enjoying everything; you are joyful; yet you are not attached to anything. It is not a state of mind; it is beyond mind. Do not bring words into this. Do not define it. Enlightenment is not anything.

Just ask what yourself what you have to do and not what others have to do? This is a high level technique. Do not ask for a method. Just declare that you are enlightened…accept yourself…that I am in the state I am supposed to be. Express your utter relaxation. Tell your mind…your emotions…your Being…I am enlightened. If your mind expresses doubts, accept the doubts and move on. Like a dog that barks at an elephant, doubts will recede as you face them and accept them. Change the focus to enlightenment…realize that you are enlightened…accept the doubts of your mind and move on.

I pray the Divine to bless you all. May the almighty bless all of you with Nithya Ananda! Thank you.