25. Jealousy has no solid existence

Actually, jealousy has no solid existence. In that way it is like darkness. Darkness does not have an independent, positive existence. Darkness is not the presence of something. Darkness is just the absence of light. In the same way, jealousy has no independent, solid existence by itself. It is just the absence of knowledge or awareness.

A small story:

A man was having trouble finding a wife whom his mother would also like. He asked his friend for some advice. His friend advised, 'Maybe if you get a girl just like your mother, she would like her.' The man took his friend's advice and searched for a long time and finally found such a girl.

He then came back and told his friend, 'Just like you said, I found a girl who is exactly like my mother. She talks, walks, behaves just like my mother.' But the man still looked depressed. His friend asked him, 'Ok, good you found such a girl. But why are you still sad?'

The man replied, 'Because my father hates her!'

There is no end to comparison because comparison exists in the mind, not in reality. The jealousy that arises from comparison also has no basis.

Some people ask me, 'Then, is it better for us not to look at others and their achievements? Then there is no problem of comparison at all! Isn't that the best way out of jealousy?'

I tell them, you can't escape from your mind just by ignoring your thoughts! If you can look but not be affected by what you see, then you have found the right way. If you can accept and welcome what you see and what happens, then you are centered within yourself and nothing can shake you.

Don't condemn the object of Jealousy

A small story:

A man was asked, 'Do you believe in luck?'

He replied, 'Of course! How else do you explain the success of people that you don't like!'

Just by condemning the object of jealousy, you will not be liberated from jealousy itself because the moment you start condemning another person, it means that there is a wound inside you that you are trying to cover up, knowingly or unknowingly.

By condemning the object of jealousy, you might be liberated from that particular object of jealousy, but you will simply get fixed on another object of jealousy, that's all! It is like saying 'sour grapes' and moving on to another vineyard! So, trying to overcome the object of jealousy is not the solution. You need to work on the subject, that is, you.

The sage Patanjali* , the father of yoga* , says, 'When somebody is blissful, feel blissful and friendly.' The secret is that bliss is a quality that belongs to everyone. It is

Patanjali – A sage of ancient India and author of Yoga Sutras, which is the foundation of modern day yoga. Yoga - Literally means 'uniting' of body-mind-spirit.

This is the start of hypocrisy: you try to imitate others and become what you are not. This is a vicious cycle.

there for anyone to share, just like a flower's fragrance spreads

choicelessly and is available for everyone, like a beautiful sunrise that is there for anyone to enjoy, or like a beautiful piece of music available to everyone! You can choose to tune into bliss, and that is all that is needed to experience it!

Other's sufferings worse than our own

A small story:

A man was feeling very burdened by his suffering. Every day he would pray to god, 'Everybody is so happy, why do only I have to suffer?' One day, he was really depressed and prayed, 'I am not able to bear my pain anymore. Please take it away! Even if I have to take someone else's pain in exchange, I am ready to do that.'

That night he had a dream where he saw god telling everyone in his village to bring all their sufferings to Him. So everybody gathered their sufferings in big bags and they all rushed to god. Then god said, 'Now you can keep your bags together around me.' Everybody was very happy to get rid of their sufferings and dropped off their bags.

Then, as they had asked in their prayers, god said, 'Ok, now you can take any bag.' Suddenly, everybody including this man, rushed to take his own bag! Not only him, but all others were doing the same thing.

For the first time, each one had seen others' sufferings and they were glad their bag was not as big as those around them. Also, each person had become used to his own sufferings. Nobody wanted to risk taking somebody else's unknown suffering instead of their known!

The man suddenly woke up and prayed to god, 'Thank you for opening my eyes! I know what I have is good for me. That is why you have given my circumstances to me!'

Jealousy – the mother of hypocrisy

Because of jealousy, you suffer inside yourself. You feel something is missing in your life. To get that missing element, you try to become what you are not by nature. This is the start of hypocrisy. You try to imitate others and become what you are not. This is a vicious cycle. The more you pretend, the farther you go from your true nature. This leads to further dissatisfaction and jealousy, which in turn leads to more pretence.

The only way to break out of this vicious cycle is to realize your own uniqueness and express it. Be authentic in everything that you do. This new experience of freedom will help you tremendously to find your unique and authentic dimension of creativity. Love yourself just as you are, as the unique creation of the Divine. And watch the self-created myth of jealousy just drop.

Peer pressure – the stick of Jealousy

There is a beautiful verse in the ancient scriptures that says the power of maya* , the energy which runs the universe, uses jealousy as a tool to make you do whatever it wants you to do.

In India, there are people who do circus shows with monkeys in the street. They will have a small stick. Once they pick up the stick, the monkey will do whatever they say. If they just gesture to the monkey, it won't listen. Even though it knows that the man can pick up the stick at any time, unless he picks up the stick, the monkey won't listen. If he picks up the stick and tells

Peer pressure is just a big ego game. Actually, it is not at all necessary for you to grow.

the monkey to walk straight, it will walk straight. If the man tells the monkey to jump three times, it will jump three times.

The man will use the stick like the ringmaster uses it in the circus. In the same way, the power of maya* uses peer pressure and jealousy as a stick to make you do whatever it wants. Understand, peer pressure is just a big ego game. Actually, it is not at all necessary for you to grow. There is enough food, shelter, medical care and clothing in the world to satisfy all of our basic needs. There is no need to compete!

How to overcome Jealousy

Jealousy is closely related to many negative emotions like anger, greed, possessiveness and depression. All of these emotions will dissolve when we break this cycle of jealousy.

Maya – Literally 'That which it is not'. It is the concept that life is but a dream, however real it may seem while being experienced.

1. Witnessing

Jealousy cannot be overcome either by escaping from it or hating the object of jealousy. All you need to do is just be fully aware when the feeling of jealousy arises. You will be surprised, it simply disappears.

The enlightened master Buddha says, 'Destroy those envying roots and enjoy lasting peace.'

Just be aware and destroy the jealousy, competition, envy and comparison that have robbed you of your very nature of bliss. Use the light of awareness to reveal the shadow nature of these negative emotions. Otherwise, you are just caught in the rat race. I always tell people, even if you win the rat race, you are still just a rat!

The way out of jealousy is not by suppressing it or denying its existence. Expressing and encouraging it is also not the way because then you are not ready to face the jealousy with awareness.

Just watch how jealousy arises in you, how it develops into hatred for the object of jealousy, how it creates restlessness and frustration inside you and makes you lose all of your peace and calm.

Be aware of the jealousy instead of hating it or the object of your jealousy. Just watch, as if you have nothing to do with it. Look at it with a scientific attitude. What do I mean by a scientific attitude?

When a scientist is experimenting, he simply experiments without any judgment, without any pre-determined conclusion. If he has a conclusion already in his mind, that means he is not a scientist because his conclusion may influence the experiment.

Now, you are the scientist in the laboratory of the inner-world science. Be a scientist in your inner world and let your mind be your laboratory. Just be aware and witness without any prejudice.

Don't condemn the emotion saying it is bad because that is what you have been taught. It has not become your experience. If it is your experience that jealousy is a negative emotion you will drop it automatically. It has not become your own experience. It is only something that you have picked up from others. Unless it becomes an experiential understanding in you that jealousy and comparison are negative, it will not become a part of you.

Don't condemn the object of jealousy. The object has not generated the emotion from outside. The jealousy is happening inside you.

Once you see your jealousy with awareness, you will realize that it does not have a basis for existence at all. When this happens, jealousy will drop automatically. You won't have to drop it.

A small story:

A woman once hired a professional artist to paint her portrait. The artist carefully made a large portrait and then presented it to her saying, 'How do you like it?'

The lady looked at it and said, 'Yes, very nice. But can you add a few things? I want you to add a glittering diamond necklace, a gold watch and bracelet, emerald earrings and beautiful pearl rings on the fingers.' The artist was surprised and said, 'But madam, the portrait looks simple and beautiful as it is. Why do you want to add all the jewelry and clutter it?'

The woman replied, 'I want my rich neighbors to see the painting and go crazy when they see all the jewelry that they will think I have.'

The fire of jealousy can just consume you completely if you don't control it with the fire extinguisher of your awareness.

2. Infinite love

Jealousy does not allow you to experience your true nature of love and bliss. It arises out of misunderstanding life and yourself. You misunderstand love to be something outside of you that has to be acquired. Not only that, you think love is a quantity that needs to be shared. That is why you are afraid, thinking that if you

If you accept yourself just as you are, you can accept others also as they are.

share your love, your share will be reduced.

Love is a quality inside you. It is not a limited quantity. It is an unending happening overflowing from within you. It cannot be blocked by anything or anybody except you because it is your very nature.

Once love starts flowing, jealousy and possessiveness and all that simply become non-existent. If you accept yourself just as you are, you can accept others also as they are.

3. Ocean of energy

This technique puts you in touch with the tremendous energy inside of you. There is an immense reservoir of energy inside us that most of us are not even aware of. If you know how to tap into this vast energy source, you can simply go beyond what you now think are your limitations.

The key to this meditation is to keep the mind fixed on the throat region, the location of the vishuddhi chakra* , throughout the technique. When you do this, the cosmic energy enters through the vishuddhi chakra* and becomes a tremendous source of energy for you.

Stand with your eyes closed and focus on your vishuddhi chakra* . Stand behind a chair or some support and hold it and start walking slowly, very slowly in the same spot where you are standing.

Now start increasing your pace very gradually. Keep walking faster and faster in the same spot. Push your limits only to the extent that you can, with no discomfort. Don't over-exert yourself at any time. At all times focus on the vishuddhi. You will be able to feel the energy coming from it. The important thing is never to slow down at any point in time but always keep your awareness on the throat region. Stop after twenty minutes.

Then, for the next ten minutes, just sit down quietly wherever you are. Keep your eyes closed and focus on the vishuddhi. You will absorb the energy that is generated during the movement.

Vishuddhi chakra - Chakra or subtle energy center in the throat region. Locked by comparing ourselves with others.

Seriousness Vs Sincerity

All our comparison with other people begins with what we think of ourselves. Jealousy disappears when we understand our uniqueness. We may then create another problem. We may believe ourselves to be so special that we start taking ourselves far too seriously.

What is seriousness?

Seriousness is nothing but paying undue importance to something, at the cost of everything else. It arises from the inability to see that all of life is just a drama that is unfolding every minute. Seriousness is the result of over-expectation from life.

A small story:

Two boys were building sand castles on the beach. They suddenly had a quarrel and one of the boys got angry and kicked the sand castle.

The other boy went and complained to the king about his serious problem. The king began to laugh at him for getting so upset over silly sand castles. But the king's advisor, a Zen monk, started laughing at the king.

He asked, 'When you can fight battles and lose sleep over stone castles, why do you laugh at these boys for fighting over sand castles!'

All our seriousness is just about sandcastles! For the child, at that young Seriousness is paying undue importance to something, at the cost of everything else.

age, sand castles seem precious, whereas at our age, stone castles seem precious, that's all. Whether it is a sand castle or a stone castle, the seriousness behind it is the same. The object may be different, but the seriousness is the same. So don't laugh when children fight over sand castles.

Seriousness closes your mind to the openness and freedom of life. It makes you dull and dead. It curbs your thinking and makes you stick to the familiar patterns that you know and use all the time.

A small story:

In a Zen monastery, there was a competition among disciples over who had maintained the best garden. One disciple was of a very serious nature. He took the competition quite seriously. He always kept his garden neat, clean, and well-swept. All the grass was of the same height. All the bushes were neatly trimmed. He was sure that he would get the first prize.

On the day of the competition, the master went around all the gardens. Then he came back and ranked the gardens. This disciple's garden got the Seriousness kills spontaneity. Seriousness destroys creativity.

lowest ranking. Everyone was shocked. The disciple

could not contain himself and asked, 'Master, what is wrong with my garden? Why did you rank me the lowest?'

The master looked at him and asked, 'Where are all the dead leaves? A garden maintained in such a way is no longer alive! It is dead.'

Seriousness kills spontaneity. Seriousness destroys creativity.

Science has proved that when you perform a task in a relaxed and light manner, your thinking and decision-making capacity is automatically enhanced. The same task when performed in a serious manner dulls your mind. When you do something too seriously, when you are too concerned about the result, you are actually not allowing yourself to perform at the optimum level.

Of course, you need to make plans, and you need to think ahead. But do it with sincerity, not with seriousness. Seriousness is not the same as sincerity. Sincerity is focusing on the task with enthusiasm and youthfulness. Sincerity is giving the task your best without worrying excessively about the result! When you are serious, you don't enjoy, you don't laugh. How can you laugh when you are serious!

Be sensitive. Being sensitive means being strong, being aware of everything. Understand, being sensitive does not mean being open to everything. Being unable to say 'no' does not mean sensitivity. That is actually ego! The person who is not able to say 'no' when he needs to is egoistic. Sensitivity is having the clarity about when to say 'yes' and when to say 'no' and having the sincerity and courage to follow that decision.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism always comes from your mind. It becomes a goal for you. You work towards it as a goal. When you work towards it as a goal, it becomes dead and mundane. But when you are total, when you are established in your heart, it becomes a deep experience. The outcome has to be beautiful, and it will give you joy. Then, whatever you do, you will be in tune with Existence. Whatever you do, do it wholly, totally, and it will be total. You won't have to worry about perfectionism at all.

Perfectionism never gives you joy. It only fulfills your ego. Even if you feel fulfilled at the end of it, it is only a fulfillment of your ego, never a fulfillment of your being. Be very clear, perfectionists are the biggest egoists. They miss the dimension of being total. Totality is possible when you enter into something deeply. Perfectionism is never possible because it is in your mind, and your mind keeps changing its definition of perfection!

Learning from mistakes

Have the courage to make mistakes. Serious people are always afraid to make mistakes. They take themselves too seriously. They think too much about themselves. It is too much to make mistakes and have someone point it out to them. Actually I tell you, these people who are afraid of making small mistakes, end up making big blunders!

Actually, when you make a mistake, people point it out, and you are not able to bear it. Your ego gets hurt and you are very sensitive to this. So to avoid getting your ego hurt, you try your best not to make mistakes.

You plan so unconsciously and continuously to keep guarding your ego. But the reasons you give are all different. It is not that you are lying. It is just that you are not aware of the subtle way in which your ego works.

There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. In fact, by making a few mistakes, you come to know clearly how to avoid making mistakes because you have experientially understood it. The more you learn from mistakes, the more you know about how not to make mistakes. Do things to the When you are free from ego, you will act with freedom and courage. You will be willing to explore.

best of your intelligence and enthusiasm but without worrying about whether you might make a mistake. The moment you are worried that it might be a mistake, you are worried about your ego getting hurt.

Synchronicity of Existence

When you are not so concerned about your ego getting hurt, you will have the courage to take any jump. All your so-called worry is actually about your ego getting hurt. When you are free from ego, you will act with more freedom and courage. You will be more willing to explore.

When you are full of wonder for Existence, you can create. On the other hand, when you are full of ego, you cannot create. Even if you do create, your creation will be a dead creation. It will be like a plastic rose that looks perfect but lacks fragrance and life. When an artist creates out of love, he gives a certain special quality to the creation. If he creates out of ego, the creation is lifeless.

Your logic gives you the feeling that your life is under the control of your logic.

When you are able to resonate with the whole of Existence, you can see every

single thing in life as a manifestation of Existence. When you are in this state, you get whatever you seek, because you are moving in tune with Existence. Life then becomes a miracle. This is what we call the synchronicity of Existence.

When you are resonating with Existence, you will not seek things in a greedy manner. Existence will simply keep giving you what you need for that moment, even before you seek it. This is what I mean when I say, 'Whatever you seek, you will find.'

The more you lose yourself to Existence, the more egoless you become. The more egoless you become, the more you lose yourself to Existence.