47. Affection.🔗

In Thiruvannamalai, an unexpected accident occurred in a public place. The person, who was involved in the accident, was lying unconscious.

On seeing this, a lady came running towards him and was near him rendering some help. A crowd surrounded that place. Then, a sturdy healthy man entered inside managing to come through the crowd. After gesturing the helping woman to move aside, he said: I have completed a diploma in rendering first aid in accidents. I will take care hereafter.

Suddenly he shouted: Call a doctor immediately! I do not know what to do after this. That lady calmly said: Don't make noise. I am here only. Upon knowing that she was a doctor herself, he lowered his head ashamed.

Persons who act in great haste always get themselves involved in complications. If one behaves like that with the general public, it will stop with just an insult. In case such behaviour is shown towards relationships, then....?

Affection is a riddle. Even after expectations, affection is one such which is not got by many just like that. Even after many people try to give it to others, it is such that it cannot be given. What? Is it rather confusing?

Though many have talked about affection, your confusion will be gone if you know some of them. The Buddha says, 'Show affection towards yourself.' Jesus says, 'Show affection towards others also as you show it to thyself'. Rishi's (A seer) message is, 'You cannot show affection towards others without showing affection towards you.'

After knowing the above three statements, the following truths can be very easily understood:

❖ You can show affection to yourself to the same extent you show it to others.

❖ The measure of affection you show towards others will be the same measure as you show towards yourself.

❖ If your affection is one mixed with pretence or one with hidden inward hatred, then it will seize you only more rather than it seizing others.

We can easily understand about affection through an incident which occurred in the life of Sarva Sakkiya Muni.

One woman devotee came to Sakkiya Muni to obtain a solution for her family problem. Sarva Sakkiya Muni asked in a voice full of grace: Oh lady! What is the problem? Why are you so sad?

The devotee replied: Master, I show full affection towards my husband. But he does not understand that. How can I make him understand this?

Sarva Sakkiya Muni, who was till then calm, said in an angry voice: You are telling a lie.

The devotee asked with confusion: What lie am I saying?

Sakkiya Muni said: You say that you show affection towards your husband. That is a total lie.

The devotee asked: Master, what are you saying?

Sakkiya Muni said: First of all, you show affection towards yourself. Then you can think of showing affection to your husband. So saying, he turned his head aside.

The devotee said: No Master... What I say is truth. I show my affection to my husband fully.

Sakkiya Muni said: Sheer pretence.

The Devotee asked: If so are you trying to say that my husband is a good man. Is it only I who is acting and creating problems?

Sakkiya Muni simply said: Why? You are also a good lady!

These words of Sakkiya Muni made her think deeply. Though Sakkiya Muni appears to disagree with her it appeared to her that he was trying to get a truth across to him. She realized that without understanding that, she was only wasting time by fighting unnecessarily? The very moment she realized this, she threw away the arguments from her mind itself.

With humility and with a decision to listen fully to what Sakkiya Muni wished to say, she asked: Master, till this day, the affection I showed, the affection showed to me by others, what are all these?

Sakkiya Muni said: It is all a drama of affection.

The devotee asked again: All right, what have we to do to conduct the affection drama properly?

Sakkiya Muni said: Firstly, you show affection to yourself. Without showing affection towards yourself, trying to show affection to others, is like jumping into the river without knowing how to swim, to save a person who is drowning in the river. Without even knowing 'how to show affection towards yourself' what all you do in the name of showing affection towards others, is all sheer pretence only. It is only a drama of love! All these days, you have all along been exhibiting 'affection' towards your husband, in order to keep him under your grip and custody and you have been trying so in the name of showing affection. Nothing happened as you expected. So you have thrown the blame on your husband. Now, are you able to understand as to where the root of the problem is? Put a full stop today itself on destroying yourself as well as others in the name of affection under the guise of attachment. Firstly, begin to show affection towards yourself. All other things will become conspicuous automatically.

On account of the devotion the devotee had on the Master, as she tried to sincerely implement whatever the Master had taught her, she understood affection and won over her life.

First of all we have to learn affection. Then only it will be possible for us to even think of showing affection towards others.

Unless and until the real love of affection blossoms within us we cannot show affection to others.

By means of the net of attachment called 'affection', keeping the other person under our grip by having one another tied up mutually at the mental level, we can utilize 'affection' only as a net of stratagem.

Utilizing the right of affection, have we given independence to our close relationships? Or, have we attempted to keep them under our control? Examine. You will know the truth.

If you have not given total independence to your relationships, know yourself... all these days, in the guise of affection, it is only a drama of attachment that has occurred. True affection has not happened.

Affection is a real flower of love.

A man beginning to show affection towards his own self has key to the mansion of bliss.

This is a great meditation technique. Begin to show affection towards yourself. The flower of love is waiting as a bud within you. For love to blossom – for you to grow – show affection! There is no other go. You only have to help yourself.

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A meaningful incident.

When Majnu asked Laila: Oh dear, what is the answer for the riddle you asked yesterday – What is that which is known to everybody but not understood by anybody? Laila said with a smile: It is love.

Meditation Chisels. Chisel No. 2.

For affection to become your possession, let the understanding expand!

Just because of having lived together in the same place, can two friends mutually understand each other fully?

When couples who live together for many years are struggling to understand each other, how is it possible for one to understand the other in a few years? After moving with a person for some time, if we like that person, we believe that we have understood him fully only. When such a person behaves in a manner quite opposite to our understandings about him, that relationship appears as a riddle only. Later it bursts into a loud uproar. The result is that our affection gets ruined. The conclusion gets formed that his affection is a 'fraud'.

The reason for all this confusion is it their behaviour or is it our understanding which points out some of their parts as wrong?

This is one to be thought over deeply and a solution has to be found.

To whatever extent you have understood the people, to the same extent only you would have understood yourself. Reason: The extent you show affection to yourself is quite the same as the extent of your affection shown towards others.

If the quality of affection has to increase, the quality of understanding should increase.

The more and more the understanding deepens, the depth of affection will accordingly increase.

A small exercise: Utilize your thinking capacity fully. Bring up to your mind your opinions about your loved ones. Make an attempt to know 'to what extent you have understood yourself and the world at large'. Understand. All will be understood. When every thing becomes known they will reciprocate your affection. There will be spring in your life. As your understanding expands, you will find the world itself expanding.

48. Which one is a mistake? Which one is a wrong?

 What is pointed out as a 'mistake' is just a word created by the society to prevent a man from injuring himself either mentally or physically. That is all.

 A 'wrong' is a conscious feeling created by elders for a person to protect him from the un-controllable pulls of the senses. It is only to protect him and society.

 But today 'mistake' is being misused. The word 'mistake' is being made use of now and then by many, to hide their own wrongs, like using chilly powder to blind the eyes of others.

 When a person does a 'wrong' or when he gets a conscious feeling that he is doing wrong, instead of being afraid that he is doing wrong, more people are afraid that others will talk about them wrongly.

 Whatever we call as wrong, is correct only as far as we are concerned. For another person, the same wrong may be 100% right. For each place, for each person, for each religion, for each caste 'wrong' differs.

 It is nearly wrong for us to point out the wrongs of others. When such is the truth, taking the wrongs as pointed out by friends and relatives as the Gospel truth and acting accordingly, keeping it as linchpin is a very great mistake.

A professor asked a Zen Master: Which one is wrong?

In reply, the Zen Master asked: Which one is right? After thinking seriously, the professor said: What all appear to me as not wrong, all those are correct as far as I am concerned.

The Master said: See... the answer for your question is with yourself only. What all that do not appear to be right for you are all wrong only.

The Master asked the question: What is wrong? The professor asked again with deep thought: Which is really wrong?

When the Master asked: Do you really want to know that?

The professor said: Yes.

The Master said: Your very question is wrong.

The professor then asked in a low voice: If you talk like this, how can I get any clarity?

The Master said: I do not talk like this to confuse you. It is only to confuse that which is confusing you I have to talk like this. Do not examine as to what is wrong. In fact, there is no such thing as wrong. To lead a natural life passing beyond mistake, wrong, justice and equality, stop confusing yourself. You will get clarity.

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The word 'wrong' is itself equal to a sickle as it helps in creating the conscious feeling in others, 'I am doing wrong', and this is the feeling created by pointing to others, saying this is wrong or that is wrong.

To use the sickle for good purposes, clarity is necessary as to when, where and on which to use it.

In case of lack of clarity of intellect, many heads will roll on account of one's own likes and dislikes and one's own desires.

In order to point out the wrongs of others, one must have experiential knowledge of the secrets of life and also the true conditions about the human mind and psychological behaviors.

Without knowing all this, and having many faults in our selves, if we try to correct others' mistakes and wrongs, we can only create a mind in others, which has been pierced again and again and wounded by the sharp sickle. We cannot remove unnecessary mental or psychological problems and create a nice cultured mind. We will only create a wounded mind.

The incidence of piercing and wounding the minds of others does continue to go on and on only.

The husband and wife, who have to live cordially mutually as if they are a one, though two different people either continuously point out the mistakes of the spouse, or wound themselves thinking about the spouse's faults again and again. Only these two things many couples continuously do throughout their life. This is a regrettable state of affairs.

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A small story:

Once, Nithya Shradhananda met a religious fanatic.

Shradhananda was such a happy ascetic, that he used to pay his gratitude for every minute, eat whatever was available, and sleep happily at whatever place available.

That religious fanatic got very envious on seeing the happiness of Shradhananda.

Shradhananda was lying on the lawn and was smilingly offering his gratitude to the God, looking at the sky.

The fanatic got irritated seeing this. He asked: Are you a complete ascetic?

Shradhananda said: Why sir, I am an ascetic only. I have no doubt about that. Why do you have a doubt...?

The fanatic retorted: Don't you know that an ascetic must respect Masters and sages?

The ascetic replied: Yes...I know.

The fanatic asked: Do you respect Mahaveera?

Shradhananda said: Yes.

The fanatic said: Mahaveera used to lie only on one side. If only lies flat, spreading his hands and feet, many small insects and organisms will get affected. With this merciful thought, how much Mahaveera made himself suffer. Being an ascetic, how can you lie stretching yourself like this? How many lives will be affected? You have committed a wrong!

So saying the fanatic threw the 'mud' of 'wrong' on the ascetic, thus reducing his envy and getting some satisfaction.

Shradhananda laughingly asked: How many micro-organisms did Mahaveera kill below the area of his body when he slept lying on one side?

The religious fanatic did not know what to reply.

Why did Mahaveera say so? Why did he sleep in such a manner? Without knowing any explanation for these questions, the fanatic used the experiential truths of Mahaveera, only as a sickle to satisfy his crude envy. Shradhananda did surely know the explanation as to why Mahaveera lived in that manner. So he was blissful as usual. He was not at all affected by the hurls of the fanatic.

In case the ascetic had been an ordinary person, first of all, he would have felt guilty and thought: Oh what a big mistake I have done.

Secondly, he, who had so far been lying on the grass happily, would have sprung up to his feet. The entire atmosphere would have changed sorrowful.

It is only because we do not understand other's bad motive, we become heart-broken when others find fault with us. When we find fault with others, our cruel feelings get satisfied, and it grows further.

The real wrong is, creating a guilty feeling in others by pointing out their mistakes and thus saving ourselves.

From this day onwards, without wasting time in correcting other's faults, find out your own faults and utilize the time in rectifying it.

This will augment the respect you have for yourself and others will show more respect towards you.

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A meaningful incident.

Jumalki said to a mother, who beat her child for making a public place dirty...

'A child is in an innocent and pure state where he does not know what he is doing. Let the child, who does not even know the word 'wrong' escape form your fault finding. Don't begin so early to instill in the child the feeling of guilt. Allow him to live.'

❖ The act of hurting others in the name of correcting them should come to an end. Will it be so?

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Meditation Chisels. Chisel No. 3.