Chapter 8 Just A Little Space🔗

Beloved Master,

I have found that when I sit in Your presence listening to You, I feel much more silence than I do when I meditate. And then when You stop talking, everything just stops and I get a glimpse of the true meditative state. So, my question is, why do I become silent in Your presence more easily than I do when I meditate?

Actually, this is something that happens not only to you, but to many people. Even people who are not in my presence but simply listen to a recording of my discourses; even they feel the same way.

Almost everyone who has sat with me and listened to me even once has felt this. And I am not like any other speaker. Have you heard even a single speaker speak the way I do? Even if we talk about exactly the same thing, will it feel the same? No! The whole mood is different. This is because other speakers have a different purpose altogether. They have rehearsed what they are going to say. They are just repeating the same thing that they have already rehearsed. There is no spontaneity in what they say.

But with me, it is totally different. Talk with some of the people who are continuously around me; they will tell you. When I am sitting in the car getting ready to go for the talk, I ask them what the topic for the discourse I am going to deliver is. So there is no question of preparing at all.

And this is why my talks are so different. It creates a different mood altogether. I myself don't know the next word that I am going to speak. I just watch myself and the words flow from somewhere. This is the reason why there are no mistakes; no mistakes because there is no preparation. A mistake will only happen if the person has prepared. And I don't forget anything either. A person forgets only when he has tried to remember something. And to speak with no preparation is such a big freedom. You don't know what words will come next. You, the speaker are also like the audience waiting and listening to what is going to be said next! I am not at all concerned about whether the flow is there or not. Normal speakers will bother about their consistency, about being logical. But it is not like that for me. I am not bothered about the flow because the flow will flow by itself. If trust is there, a deep trust about the flow, about the words, they will come. Nothing has to be done; the words will come automatically. You must just have the receptivity and the trust that the flow will happen on its own.

You see: the purpose for my words is itself different. The only reason why normal speakers create words is to influence or convert you into their ideology. But my purpose is different. I only create words for the gaps that come in between each word. This is the only reason why I am able to talk continuously. The words which I speak are not important, only the gaps are. I am not bothered about what I speak. This is why I often sound totally illogical. I am not at all concerned with the words; only the gaps. The words are only to convince you. They are only there to make you stay on and listen. I do not mean, 'stay on and listen to the words'. No! Stay on and listen to the gaps. If you can become aware of these gaps, you can simply be put into the gap. These gaps are only silence, nothing more. But you only cling onto the words; you are not aware of the gaps which hold the silence. And then you will ask, ‘How to become silent?’ I have been sitting there in front of you for hours together giving you so many opportunities to grab the silence, and you ask me how to become silent!

What can be done? You must become aware of the silence; this is the only way to receive it.

I am not telling you to ignore my words either. You should listen to that as well; it will do you some good. But be fully aware of the gaps that come. Do not miss even a single one. This is the way for the mind to really become silent.

But somehow, we always think that it is not possible for the mind to remain silent. But how can you not think that it is possible without even trying? You must give it a try. Actually, it is not that we do not know how to remain silent. I am giving you the methods all the time, so there is no question of not knowing. It is just laziness. You want to remain nice and secure; you do not want to move. You don’t want to take the initial step further. You expect the step to come to you! You must go, you must try, only then is anything possible.

I have had people come to me and ask, ‘Please put me into a meditative state; please silence my mind.’

Understand: I cannot force you to become silent; that is your job. I can only give you a device to become silent. I can only give you the key. You must open the door. I have played with the keys and I had a bundle of about 1000 keys with only one door. I had to play with each key; I had to try each key until I came to the right one. And only then did the door open. But for you it is different. I am here to give you the key. I am giving you the key right now. All you need to do is open the door.

So understand: my presence is not the only thing that is required to put you into silence. The gaps are enough. The gaps in between the words are enough. The gaps are there only for you to grasp, to become aware of. Because you miss the gaps in between the words, the long gaps in between the sentences will be added. But you miss that too! What can be done? So at least now, don't miss. Don't miss the gaps. Become aware of the gaps.

Alright, thank you.

Beloved Master,

When I experience awareness, I feel intoxicated. It is almost as if I am drunk with bliss, with the divine. But it is not drunkenness at all; it is not at all unconsciousness. It is total awareness. Is this just an illusion, or is it really the divine?

First, you must understand one thing: in your English dictionary, intoxication and divinity are two completely different things, but at the experiential level, they are the same. You are right; it is not at all unawareness. It is an overflowing of awareness.

Initially, you will feel as if you are drunk in bliss, but you will be able to see the difference very clearly. Normally, in drunkenness, you will not have enough awareness to understand that you are drunk. But on the level which you are experiencing, even during the experience, you will be able to feel the drunkenness. This is the difference.

You begin to feel intoxicated with consciousness. It is so much that your body cannot withstand it. It is bigger than you. And you then feel as if it is simply overflowing from every pore of your being. In the beginning, it comes as such a sudden rush that you feel as if you will lose control. This is why you say that you feel drunk.

This is because when you are experiencing intense awareness, you simply forget the mind. The whole world seems dream-like and beautiful. You lose your ego, you lose your mind and you lose your worries. This is why it feels as if you are intoxicated. The same sort of experience happens to you during intoxication, but there is a difference. It will not be blissful. And even if it is, it will wear off in a few hours and you become depressed. But this is not the case with awareness; it is not the case with consciousness. Once you become truly aware, it will not leave you; there will be growth in your consciousness. Even when the experience passes, clarity will still remain; you will not fall into depression.

You see: any normal drug will just make you unconscious and that is why it feels as if you are walking on the clouds. But meditation brings awareness; it brings consciousness. But understand: the reason for you feeling as if you are overflowing with something is because consciousness is so intense that you are bound to feel as if it doesn't fit inside you. You begin to feel as if consciousness is simply flowing from you. And in the beginning it may feel overwhelming. Yes, and this is why you are using the word ‘intoxicating’.

Drugs only make you unconscious; they only give you a few hours of forgetfulness. And then once you come out of it, you become even more depressed than you were when you started. And you begin to crave what was once upon a time there.

What you are experiencing is the Divine. It is awareness, pure awareness. Awareness cuts the very root of misery. It cuts the very thread from which misery starts.

It is a beautiful experience. There is no illusion in it. What you are experiencing is not an illusion. It is completely experiential. Actually, it has nothing to do with intoxicants. It is only in the beginning that you will feel like this. And the truth is that this is the real illusion. Feeling intoxicated is the real illusion. It is just like the cover of a brand new car. It may look different from what it is on the inside. But only when you take off the cover and drive it around you will understand what a beautiful thing it is.

So take this experience and drive it for some time. Give it time and you will understand its reality; rather, its reality will be revealed to you.

Yes.

Beloved Master,

Every time You speak on our unique individuality, I am touched. But I think I am sometimes getting confused between individuality and personality. Is individuality something to do with genetics or is it something to do with our very essence? And is there any technique that You can teach us to come to know about our individuality?

Actually, this is a common misunderstanding. Every-one misunderstands individuality and personality.

Personality is that which is given to you by society. It is all the culture and civilization which society has given you. Basically it is the input which you have received from other people. It is this input that creates your personality.

If you have observed small children, you will understand. Their personalities are not yet developed. This is why they are so full, so sincere in everything that they do. They are authentic.

Try one thing: think back to your earliest memory. It would probably be when you were three or four; at the most three. Before three there is just a thick blank. You don't remember anything at all. It is not that you weren't there during those three years. You were there, so why is there no memory? It is because you had no personality. During those three years, society had not yet put its marks on you. You were completely pure and total. Everything that you did, you finished then and there. You were fully in the present. There was no past or future for you then; there was only now.

You don't know who you are; you don't know your individuality. For you to actually know yourself, you must dig deep through all of the dirt, all of the conditioning which you have accumulated. You have to become a child again. Unless this happens, unless you put your whole personality aside, individuality will not happen. Individuality happens only when personality vanishes. When you go on holding on to your personality, you will completely misunderstand me. You see: with your personality, you are seeing through your logic. All your books will come inside your head. Then the situation at hand will simply be like reading a book. If this is the case, sit and happily read your books; what is the use of coming and uselessly sitting in front of me? Drop all your nonsensical personality! Only when you do this, will there even be a chance of your individuality being revealed to you.

You will only misunderstand me if you look through the eyes of your personality. Your mind will make its own interpretations of whatever I say.

And you don't know anything of yourself except for your personality. What do you know of yourself? If I ask you who you are, what is the first thing that comes into your mind? First thing, you will think of your name or age or your gender. Just see how much you identify yourself with your personality! But this is not what you are. First of all, you came into this world without a name, so how can you only be a small five letter word?

So as of now, all that you know about yourself is your personality. But it is your individuality that you are, but have yet to realize. Meditation is the route to understanding who you are. It is an effort to get rid of the personality and reach your individuality. And this is the real you. It is what you have been since eternity. You have had your individuality since you were born and even before you were born. It is your essential consciousness that has been covered with so much of dirt and now you have to dig it up. And this is what meditation is about: digging through your social conditionings until you finally reach what has to be reached. It is a process of going on digging until you reach your individuality. You see: every life adds more and more dirt; the pile becomes deeper and deeper.

So understand: your individuality is immortal. It is your personality that is mortal. Your personality depends on other people. And this is the reason that you are afraid of other people and why you always bother about what the other person thinks. You are only bothered about opinions and appreciation from others. You never simply relax and allow people to think as they want. That is the problem.

So, your personality is the culprit for creating all these false ideas. It is the reason for all the nonsense which you call reality. So remember one thing: whatever you have learned, whatever society has taught you is simply false. It is not reality; it is not you. It is only what you think you are. It is your personality. So now, you must find your individuality; you must find your innocence.

You said, But I think I am sometimes getting confused between the two: individuality and personality... No ma, you are always confused about the two, not sometimes! I say this because if you knew your individuality even for a second, there would never be this confusion. Once you have experienced the real, how can you go back to thinking that the false is real? Once you have known the real, the false would have disappeared from you altogether. So be clear: if you are caught in this 'sometimes', what you have thought about as 'individuality' was simply your personality projected in a different way.

If you have known your individuality even for a moment, it is enough. Even a single second is enough to finish off your personality. Once your individuality is revealed to you, your personality simply cannot come back again.

Individuality is real; it is uniqueness; it is freedom; it liberates you. But personality is societal; it is pseudo; it is binding. Express your individuality; become a unique experience that you truly are.

Thank you.