Aham Brahmasmi!
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But for Swami, the Death Experience was but a milestone on his path.
His destination was elsewhere, and his determination was characteristic. For him, nothing less than complete fulfilment! He subjected himself to still more rigorous tapas, resolved that body, mind and spirit should be brought under control. Starvation, pain, intense solitude, silence, meditation – he used every rod available to discipline the very fibre of his being.
His body and mind bent beautifully to his will – but where was the grand reward he most desired? Even after extreme tapas, Enlightenment continued to elude the young seeker.
His triumphs over body and mind, like so many worthless prizes, he put out of his mind in disgust. Unknowingly, he began to sink into the depths of grave depression. In despair, he gave in to doubts he had never allowed till then:
Was there, after all, no such thing as Enlightenment?, he wondered. Was it all a mighty conspiracy, a great lie propagated down the generations? If that is so, then this must be the end!, he reflected bitterly. The truth is that there is no Truth. And to learn this bitter truth, I have given up my youth, my life! How life has betrayed me with her trickery!
In a moment of supreme resignation, Swami put an end to all his efforts and sank back, exhausted. The body and mind that had remained taut with effort for years, now relaxed into utter non-doing. So complete was his let-go that Swami actually forgot the mantra he had chanted daily for years!
Precisely on the seventh day after he let go, the unimaginable happened. He was admitted into the very supreme 'conspiracy' he had questioned!
- holy chant