Pages 71–80🔗

If straightaway I start talking on the sutra, you will miss the sutra, because your mind takes little time. Just the other day one of our devotees was suggesting ‘Swamiji, you should start the silent satsang (spiritual gathering).’ It is true, I can sit in silence, but you can’t. If I sit in silence you will start talking inside your head. Actually, I can convey much more beautifully and the transmission of energy can happen much better if I am in silence. If I am sitting here in silence, much more can happen in you then through speaking.

People ask me ‘Swamiji, I don’t know English, can I attend your meditation program’. I tell them, ‘only you are qualified to attend, don’t miss the chance.’ There are so many people who come from France, who don’t know English, who come from South America who only know Spanish or Portuguese, all these people, they come and ask me through translators, ‘ I don’t understand English, can I attend your program?’ I tell them ‘you are the only person qualified. Don’t miss that chance.’ Those who understand English think they understand, that’s all. And they will constantly be trying to get the meaning out of the words that I am expressing.

Let you be very clear, you can never understand anything, because I myself don’t understand. I know for sure I am not speaking what I want to speak. I am not expressing what I want to express because words are too small to express these truths. Words are too small. You can’t express through words. If you don’t understand, at least you’ll be clear that you have not understood. If you think you have understood, really you are missing. But I can’t be in silence. I can’t be in silence because if I don’t speak you will start speaking in your head. At least you will be a little silent if I start speaking. I am speaking so that you will be silent. If I am silent, you will start speaking. That’s the reason I don’t do silent satsangs.

Of course, at the higher level, when people are really mature, I do sit with them. In teacher’s training, sometime I sit with them even 10 hours silently. Not even a single word. Not even single word is shared. Not only are no words shared, nobody even thinks. Nobody even bothers about talking. We have Nithyanandam programs. It is a 15 days program. 18 hours each day people sat with me. Neither they felt that they needed to speak, nor I felt I needed to tell them anything. At deeper levels you will be able to sit silently. In the initial level, you won’t be able to sit. If I stop teaching, you will start speaking in your head. You may not speak with others, but you will start speaking with yourself. And it is better even if you misunderstand. It’s ok, at least in the end I can give you a little clarity.

One more small story.

One lady was speaking to her next-door neighbor. She was telling her ‘Today I started my day beautifully, I really feel good. I gave $5 to a bum.’

Neighbor asked ‘5 dollars? It’s too much. Your husband didn’t say anything about it? What did he say about it?’ ‘He just said thanks, and left!’

First you may miss what I am saying. At least at the punch line, you may get what I want to express. With the first line you may miss what I want to say, but with the punch line, you will catch what I want to express. That’s the reason I am continuously speaking.

All right, it is time and let us enter into the sutra. I request all of you to be totally attentive. Please sit straight so that you won’t miss. Here, Shiva is taking us word by word to the deepest experience. I tell you, one thing, if you can be aware the next one hour, if you don’t miss a single word, I promise there’s every possibility of liberation. You don’t need to practice this meditation because this meditation doesn’t need to be practiced. The very understanding will lead to experience. He leads you step-by-step into your core. Every word takes you to the next layer, and he’s showing you the very nature of your being, to the core of your being. He is trying to express it. It is better if you don’t close your eyes.

Usually if you close your eyes, you may think you are listening, but slowly you are lost. Moreover, I express more in body language than through words. So when you are listening to audio discourse, you can close your eyes, but when you are listening directly from the Master, sit with full awareness.

Ramakrishna always says, ‘whenever I go to an extreme state, whenever I go to the level of expressing the truth, I feel suddenly that somebody is choking my throat’. Only to a certain extent, I am able to express. After that I feel that somebody is choking my throat. I am not able to say what I want to say. When I first read this about Ramakrishna I felt how can this be true? Who can choke your throat? How can you say you cannot express what you want to express. I didn’t believe, but really now I am able to believe. Now I am able to experience what Ramakrishna means.

There are some things, when you try to express it through words, put it through words, so much comes up that a big traffic jam happens in the throat. The traffic jam of the truth happens in your throat. Your vak, energy of communication, loses the power to express. If one or two things are to be expressed, then your vak is alive, active. You can express. But if there are so many things ready to be expressed they crowd the passage. When the passage is overcrowded with the truths and the traffic jam of truths happens, you really feel your vak is too small.

Vak means the power to express. The ability to express is too small to tell the truth, to communicate it adequately. To tell you honestly, I am really feeling the same thing now. The vak is too small. The power to express is too small to express this great truth that Shiva is expressing in the sutra. So I may try to express it inch by inch, little by little, and layer by layer. Please be attentive for the next one hour. The understanding will lead you to the deepest experience of your being. And there is every possibility you will be liberated in that very moment of understanding.

In the middle of that unmoving expanding energy space, witness Bhairava and be unclutched.

Then one attains the Shiva consciousness.

You don't need to even practice this technique. All you need to do is just be aware of this technique. There are some techniques that you need to learn and practice to experience. There are some techniques in which the very understanding takes you to that level, takes you to that depth when you suddenly see that you are experiencing. In Vedanta, there are three levels. The first is sravana, which means understanding the technique by listening to it. Next is manana, which is meditating on it, contemplating, and practicing it. Finally it is nidhityasana, which is expressing the truth.

You need three steps to internalize, which are understanding, practicing and expressing. Here, with this technique you don't need the three steps. The very understanding simply liberates you because he's taking us to such a deep level, to the depth of your being. He's taking us to the core. He's taking us to a different space that I call the 'Zen Zone'. Zen zone means the zone in which already you are liberated. It is the zone in which you are unclutched. It is the zone in which you exist as you are. He's taking us to the zone beautifully without any practice. As far as this technique is concerned, the very understanding is enough. You will suddenly wake up realizing, 'Yes, I am in that state'. Nothing else needs to be done. He's taking us to that zone.

The energy of breath should neither move out nor enter.

Yesterday I was explaining how to be relaxed or to feel comfortable in the neutral space. We feel comfortable with incoming breath or outgoing breath but we don't feel comfortable with the neutral space. That is why you just jump the neutral space. You don't give your attention to neutral space. Whenever the neutral space comes, you say 'quit', and you jump. Whenever the neutral space comes, you do fast-forwarding. You just fast forward it. Continuously you are fast-forwarding the neutral space. When you sit and watch a movie, if you don't like some scenes, you fast-forward it. You just jump. Same way, whenever the neutral space comes you jump and you fast-forward.

Yesterday I was asking you to feel a little comfortable with the neutral space, in the neutral zone. Now he is taking us to a different depth. He says you don't even have to feel comfortable with the neutral zone. Just understand you have neutral zone and relax. Whether you want or not, you are going to have neutral zone. Even if you do fast-forwarding or jump, the neutral-zone is your nature. Every moment, the neutral-zone is going to happen in you. That space is happening in you. The neutral space is constantly happening in you. Even if you avoid, the neutral space is happening in you.

He says:

In the middle of that unmoving expanding energy space, be unclutched and witness Shiva Consciousness.

Let me explain how your mind is moving and how you are thinking. First, in all the sutras so far he has spoken only about breath. He never used the word mind. First time he is bringing that word. First time Shiva is introducing the mind. First time he is bringing the word mind and first time he is uttering the word nirvikalpataya. This means, be unclutched. It is the state in which you don’t have any vikalpa. You don’t connect and see. Vikalpa means connecting the kalpana, imaginations. Nirvikalpa refers to the space where you don’t connect anything. Kalpa itself means ‘connecting’ or ‘imagining’. Imagining is what meant by the word kalpa. Here, he says nirvikalpa, where you don’t connect. You are unclutched.

Let me just explain how you think, how you think you are thinking.

I am describing this zone. I am describing only this zone. This zone I describe in a detailed way, at a much deeper level. This is the close-up view. Shiva is taking us little further, so I am giving you the close-up view. This is what I call ‘neutral-space’.

Every moment, every kshana, again and again you experience this neutral space. Constantly it is happening in you. Whenever your incoming breath turns around as outgoing breath or outgoing breath turns around as incoming breath, this neutral space is happening in you every moment. You are constantly changing gears. Whenever you change gears you have to go into neutral space. Let you be very clear, if you are constantly changing gears, this also means that constantly you are unclutched. Every moment you are unclutched.

Now one more thing you need to understand. Yesterday I was telling you that because you don’t feel comfortable with this space you just fast-forward over it. You jump over it. You jump from here to there. You do not give your attention to this space. You give attention to this space and that space, but not to the neutral space. You give attention to the incoming breath and the outgoing breath. You don’t give attention to the neutral space. You just jump. You fast-forward. You jump the neutral space. That is why you feel this gap of breaths is more and this gap of neutral space is less. That is why you feel the incoming breath time and outgoing breath time is more than neutral spaces.

One important thing you should know. You may think the incoming breath time and the outgoing breath time is more than the neutral space, but in actuality they are not more. The times are the same. You need to understand now about time.

According to the Western mind time is chronological. Time is measured in seconds. According to Eastern mind, let me say the Eastern ‘no mind’ understanding, according to the Eastern sages time is psychological, it is not chronological. Kshana is not equivalent to a second. Please be very clear, in Vedic system, we measure time with the unit called kshana. Kshana is not the same as a second. Kshana is the gap between one thought and another thought. Kshana means the gap between thoughts.

Please understand, if you can follow, if you can come a little deeper into this sutra, Shiva is straightaway showing you the ultimate truth of your very nature. Shiva doesn’t believe in changing your activities. He believes in changing your belief about yourself. He doesn’t bother about your activities.

Throughout this book, not even a single statement of morality is given. He doesn’t say speak the truth; he doesn’t say be non-violent; he doesn’t say be a celibate; nothing of that sort. He doesn’t give a single moral injunction. He doesn’t give you a single instruction. He straightaway shakes your core, changes your idea about yourself. He just shakes and changes the idea that you carry about yourself. Done. Over.

He doesn’t believe in cutting the branches. He straightaway removes the root. He goes straight to the root. Then naturally morality will flower in you. That’s why I say that Shiva is the only solution for the modern day. He doesn’t speak ill about anything. He never says what you should do or what you should not do. He gives no rules at all. He says just do it.

Let me tell you that rules make you schizophrenic. If you are interested in becoming schizophrenic, if you want bipolar disorder, start practicing some rules and regulations. It is a direct method for madness. With rules nothing sensible can be done.

With the truth you don’t need to do anything; simply the whole thing will start expressing itself. Shiva just changes your idea about yourself. See, the moment your idea about yourself changes, you start existing in a different consciousness, altogether in a different space. Nothing needs to be done. No teachings are necessary to control you.

All teachings are like the police. They are just cops who are sitting inside you. Teachings are nothing but cops who are sitting inside your brain. Here, there is no reason to give you any teaching. Just this single understanding is enough.

Just this single understanding is enough; your idea about yourself will be completely changed. The moment your idea about you changes, there is no need for any morality, any teaching; you will simply start expressing the morality. You don't bother about anything else.

If you are given morality, if you are given teachings, you will be constantly bothered about the other half. For example, if you are asked not to do something, you will be constantly thinking about that only. If you are a grihasta, a householder, you will constantly be fantasizing about sanyas or monastic life.

People think about me, ‘What a beautiful life he is leading. You see, it is a liberated life. See, he goes all over the world. People are always bowing down to him. When he says something people listen.’ And if you are a swami, a monk, you just fantasize about the other zone. ‘I think am I missing something. I don’t know what all is going on in life.’ On both the sides you will be missing something about the other half.

Of course, a paramahamsa is not a mere swami or sanyasi, be very clear. Paramahamsa is a person who has experienced the truth of his being, who is beyond the four ashramas of brahmacharya, grihasta, vanaprasta and sanyas; celibate, householder, forest dweller and monk. He is beyond all these four ashramas. Only then he is called paramahamsa. Any one else will always be bothered about the other half.

A small story:

A seven year old boy was taken to the psychiatrist because he was not eating. Doctor made him to sit and after one hour slowly he said ‘whatever you want you can eat, please start eating something; have something’

The boy said ‘I want to eat worms’.

He ordered a plate of worms and some worms were brought.

The boy said ‘I don’t want a plateful, I want only one’

The doctor threw away all but one worm.

The boy started shouting “now, cut it in half”

It was cut into halves.

Then the boy said ‘now, you eat one half. You eat half, only then I’ll eat’

Finally, the poor doctor since he had to do something somehow swallowed one half.

Then the boy started crying “Oh, no, you ate my half!”

Be very clear, if you are stuck with rules, you will be bothering always about the other half. You will be missing the other half.

Here, Shiva is not giving you any rules. He is just taking you step by step to the core of your being, and giving you the clarity, you are not what you think. You are not what you are thinking as you.

Now you need to understand the circle. There is the neutral space. This is the incoming breath. This is the outgoing breath. For you to understand, I expressed this as more space and this as less space, but Shiva says that this is not so. Both spaces are the same because the gap between one breath and the other breath is the same as the breath itself.

The gap between one thought and another thought is the same. Be very clear, kshana means the gap between one thought and the other thought. It is not one second as you think.

Gap between this thought and the next thought is what he calls as kshana. He says further that whether you give your attention or not, this space and that space, the NS the neutral space and the incoming or outgoing breath, all spaces are equal. We think that the breathing space is more because we give too much of attention to it. Even if you give much more attention to it, the space is not more.

Let me give you one small example. If you are sitting with somebody with whom you feel completely comfortable and in tune, you are just relaxed. Even if two or three hours pass you will not know how time flew. Suddenly you realize, ‘Oh, god, it is already 8 o’clock. I have to run. I have so much of work.’

On the other hand, if you are sitting with somebody with whom you don’t feel comfortable or with whom you don’t feel relaxed, every five minutes what you will do; you will look at your watch. And you will say ‘What is happening? Did my watch stop or what? Don’t you have any other work?’

If the number of thoughts is more it is hell. If the number of thoughts is less you are in heaven. Be very clear, if the number of thoughts are more chronologically it seems to be the same time, but psychologically you feel time is more. It is because you give more attention here you think you have more thoughts here and you think this space is more than neutral space.

You think that the breathing space, breathing time is more than the neutral space. Please understand, this is because you think you are having more thoughts. Because you think you are interested in thinking. Because you give more emphasis to your identity you may think that the time of incoming breath and outgoing breath is more than the time of neutral space; but in reality it is not. It is just a psychological game. The kshana of breathing space and the kshana of neutral space are one and the same. .

Because you are having too many thoughts, you think this breathing space is more, but in reality this space is not more. Do note that you also miss the depth of this space. Here in the incoming breath space you have identity. In outgoing breath also you have identity. In both you have identities. Identity is the space that you know. However, in the neutral space you don’t have identity. The big problem is that when there is an identity you are able to connect and see all the identities. You connect and see. Let you be very clear. Let me explain to you this way.

Between the incoming breath and the outgoing breath is the neutral space NS. Your identity exists in the incoming and outgoing breath spaces. Constantly you can connect and see you are connected. But because in this gap, this gap of neutral space your identity does not exist, you don’t connect the gaps; so you jump over this gap.

For example, the thought which came to you 10 minutes ago, the thought which came to you 10 years ago and thought which came to you 20 years ago are all independent of one another. They are independent, unclutched and separate thoughts. But thoughts have got identity. Because they have identity you connect them and see.

The thought that happened 10 minutes ago is number one. Thought that happened a year ago is number two. The thought that happened 10 years ago is number three. You can connect all of them because they have identity. However, the gap between thoughts that happened 10 minutes ago, the gap between thoughts that happened 1 year ago and the gap between thoughts that happened 10 years ago are not connected because they lack identity; you don’t connect them and see that you are constantly experiencing gaps.

Let me put it in a little deeper way, in a little subtler way. The depression that you had 10 years ago, the depression that you suffered 7 years ago, the depression that you suffered 3 years ago and the depression that you had yesterday are all independent, individual, unconnected thought shafts. But because they are thought shafts, you start connecting all of them and create the shaft of depression. You have an idea that your life is depression.

‘For last 10 years I am suffering with depression, Swamiji’. You create a big shaft. You take all these unconnected, unclutched pieces. Each bit is a small unclutched bit. You just take all the unclutched bits. You connect all these small bits and create a big shaft.

Be very clear, the pain which you had 10 years ago, the pain that you had 9 years ago, the pain that you experienced 7 years ago, the pain that you experienced 3 years ago, and the pain that you experienced yesterday are all unconnected, independent, individual thought shafts. You connect all these thought shafts and create one big shaft; then you start thinking and you start believing that ‘life is pain’.

The joy that you experienced 10 years ago, the joy that you experienced 9 years ago, the joy that you experienced 3 years ago and the joy that you experienced 1 year ago are all independent, individual, unconnected thought shafts. Now you connect all of those thoughts and create a big shaft of joy.

In life, the only thing that you do is either creating the shaft of pain or creating the shaft of joy. When it comes to the shaft of pain you try to stop it. When it comes to the shaft of joy you try to enlarge it. But you don't understand that you can neither enlarge the shaft nor stop the shaft; simply because the shaft itself doesn't exist.

The shaft is not there for you to enlarge or stop. The very shaft is your imagination. It is an imaginary connection. Please understand that this connection is just imaginary. Whether you want or not, in every moment there is an unclutched space. You are unclutched. You are unconnected. You are an unclutched shaft but just because of your imagination or fear of losing identity you create constant connection to maintain your identity. This identity or this connection is imaginary.

For example if it is a pain shaft with the pain experience 10 years ago, the pain experience 1 year ago and the pain experience 10 minutes ago, you connect all of them in your mind. Through your imagination you connect them and create a pain shaft. If it is a bliss or joy shaft, the joy that happened 10 years ago, the joy that happened 1 year ago, the joy that happened 10 minutes ago, you connect them through imagination and create joy shaft.

If it is a pain shaft you try to stop it. If it is a joy shaft you try to increase it. You don't understand that you can neither stop the shaft nor enlarge the shaft because this shaft does not exist. Whether you see it or not it is pure imaginary shaft. It is a purely imaginary shaft whether of pain or bliss. Whether it is a pain shaft or joy shaft you can neither stop it nor enlarge it because the shaft doesn't exist.

Just write for 10 minutes whatever thoughts come to your mind without any editing; do not touch them up, just write whatever comes out and then read. You will suddenly realize that all your thoughts are unconnected, irresponsible, completely unclutched, illogical and independent thoughts.

Be very clear, your first thought and your second thought are no way connected. There is no logical connection. There is no responsible connection. There is no link between the first thought and the second thought. If you just write whatever comes in your mind for 10 minutes and try to read that paper, suddenly you will ask: what is happening with me?

For example, if you see a dog on the street you get the same fear that you had when you were a young boy. Next moment you start thinking about your childhood and the dogs that you were afraid of in your childhood. Third, you start thinking of your childhood days. Then you start remembering the teacher who taught you. Then you remember the place where your teacher had his house. Logically, the dog that you saw on the street and your teacher are not connected at all. Of course, both of them have barked at you; that is different. But logically they are not connected. See from where your mind starts and where it ends.

Just write down, pen down whatever you think for 10 minutes without editing and read that paper. Suddenly you will realize that all your thoughts are unconnected, independent, illogical, irresponsible and completely unclutched thoughts. They have no connection. Logically they are not connected at all. By your very nature, you are unclutched.

The whole social training is to make you believe that you have continuity of thoughts. Society constantly trains you to hold onto either the shaft of pain or the shaft of pleasure. If you start believing the shaft of pain, you will spend your whole life trying to stop that shaft and waste your life. If you start believing in the shaft of pleasure, you will spend your whole life trying to enlarge that shaft and destroy your life.

The one and only maya, illusion, is in believing that your thoughts are connected. That is the only illusion. Let me be very clear and honest. Whatever spiritual techniques you may practice, whatever meditation techniques or anything else that you may practice to enlarge this shaft, let me tell you that you will never be successful.

Please understand, I am saying the truth. I did what all need not be done and so have the right to tell you what can be done and what needs to be done. I have done things that were not necessary; this is why I say I have the right to say what is necessary. Whole day and night I would chant; actually after some time even when I am sleeping I am able to rotate that mala. Even if I was sleeping, one part of my mind was constantly moving those beads. By constantly repeating you are trying to create a shaft; it may be of pleasure or what you think as pleasure or what you believe as pleasure.

See, at some point when you suddenly entered into some new experience you must have felt joy by singing 'Rama Krishna' or 'Govinda' or 'Shiva' or some name. You must have felt some ecstasy. You are trying to reproduce that ecstasy by repeating that mantra; then the whole experience disappears. It is just like the way a person feels really happy and blissful when he dates and he then tries to reproduce that experience by marrying. Now you will understand. Now you understand what I mean. It is the same thing; exactly the same experience.

See, you feel joy when you are dating because you experience the gap. You experience the unclutched state. You feel the joy when you are singing that name or chanting some mantra at some moment because you relax in that unclutched space. It is not because you are repeating the mantra but because of the unclutched space. Suddenly, somehow you fall on that NS, neutral space. That is the reason you experience joy. When you try to make it as a ritual all you will have is depression.