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Rising in love with the Master

Now you have it!

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chapter 8

You have to realize your own presence. No one is going to help you. It must happen by yourself and only yourself. I can support you, but I can do no more than this. It is a long journey which you will have to go through, and you have to go through it alone.

A devotee says when he first came to the ashram, he felt like he was always in a high mood. But now he feels like his self confidence has gone. He says he is feeling vulnerable.

The self confidence that you felt initially was just your ego. When you are in the ashram, slowly, your ego will start getting exposed. That process will hurt you. You will start feeling that what gave you confidence as a personality is being taken away from you. That is what you are feeling now. Your self-confidence will start shaking.

A person who is aware of his ego, will start radiating confidence and will not be afraid of losing anything. His confidence is a natural by-product of his awareness of himself. He is not under any illusion. That is what is important.

Right now we identify ourselves only through several masks that we wear. It is these masks which we are identifying ourselves with. So when they are gone, there will initially be pain. These masks are your ego. You are here to get rid of the ego; so these masks simply have to drop.

You might miss the masks now and it may hurt. But only when your true nature comes up, only when the masks are gone and your original face is revealed to you, will you understand that the shattering of your masks was a blessing.

When you move away from the energy field for sometime, you feel nervous. This is because there is such protection here; it always feels as if someone is watching over you. You can feel the invisible hand of Existence all the time taking care of you, whether I am there or not there in the ashram.

The way in which I take care of you depends on you. Each one of you is different. Each one needs a different way of dealing and taking care.

One thing: simply going away from me for some time will bring you even closer to me. The less dependent you are on me, and the more you are able to be without me in the physical plane, the more you have surrendered. And it is okay for you to go and come back. Otherwise, you will take the energy field for granted; you will take living around the Master for granted. This is why when I see that someone is taking the ashram for granted, I allow them to pack up if they feel like it. I let them go to any one of our branches or stay wherever they wish to. Then, they will understand the privilege of living around the Master. And when their intensity increases again, I will call them back. This has happened many times.

I let the fish out of the water for some time. Let them feel the need for the water; let them feel the protection that the water gives. Only then they can start swimming joyfully again.

You are born with your truth, but through time, your truth is forgotten. Truth is the one thing that should never be forgotten but it is also the one thing that you fellows will always forget! Truth is the one thing that connects all of us. It is only through truth that you and I are connected. You and I can never meet. But your truth and my truth can meet.

Being yourself means being blissful without the aid of any external factor. Just imagine that the whole world has disappeared. Only you are there. What would you do then? You would jump around happily! You would just be in bliss, is it not?

This is the way in which you should live now. The only reason why you are holding back is because you are afraid of what people might think of you. You are so bothered about what people are thinking all the time. That is why I am telling you to simply feel as if there is no one except you. Set aside some time when you are by yourself and just listen to yourself. It is only because of people that you are not letting go. If the people were not there, you would be like a river. You would simply flow with no idea at all of where you are going and this very feeling will give you joy. There will not be any feeling of insecurity at all! You would trust Existence to take care of you.

Just listen to yourself. Don't be confused between what the ego is saying to you and what makes you feel blissful. You should be able to clearly tell the difference between your feelings and your thoughts. To be able to do this, you need to become aware.

One more thing: when you sit before me and listen, the mind will catch certain ideas and then you will begin to think about them. They will never reach your core. If you think about what I say, the vibrations of the words will never become a part of you. Just listen, digest it and forget about it completely.

There are people who will go on writing long letters to me every day telling me about their problems. They want to show me how many problems they have. You cannot have so many problems. What happens is, you move around in a circle some hundred times and come again and again to the same problem and then you will think, 'God, I have so many problems!'

Whenever these so-called problems surface, there is no need to make such a scene of it. When there is a problem, close your eyes and see from where the problem is coming. Only when you become aware of these subtle things, will you understand how you have been going around in circles for such simple things.

The main problem is, we think that if we have big problems, we are big people. I have seen these old women talking. One will talk about her problem and the other will try to make her own problem seem bigger. They will go on and on trying to make their own problems sound very big!

This is just a way for the ego to feel big. Those who just keep silent and do not listen to the games of the mind will benefit the most.

A small Zen story:

There was once a twelve year old boy named Toyo. He was the youngest monk in the temple. Every morning and evening, the older disciples went to the Master's room to receive instructions. The Master gave them techniques to silence their minds. Toyo also wanted to get sazen (personal guidance) from the Master like the other disciples. When he asked the Master to give him a technique, the Master simply said, 'Wait for some time. You are too young.'

But Toyo continued to ask. So finally the Master said, 'Alright! You can hear the sound of two hands clapping. What is the sound of one hand clapping?'

Toyo went to his room and thought about the question. He could hear the music of the geishas in the distance. 'Ah, I have it!' he said to himself.

The next day when the Master asked him to show the sound of one hand clapping, Toyo began to play the music of the geishas.

The Master said, 'You haven't got it at all.'

Disappointed, Toyo went to a quiet place and meditated. He heard the sound of water dripping. 'Now I have it!' he thought. The next day when the Master asked him again, he imitated the sound of dripping water.

That is not the sound of one hand clapping, the Master said, 'Try again.'

The sigh of the wind, the screech of the owl, nothing that Toyo demonstrated for the Master in the next few weeks, the Master accepted.

So Toyo went on meditating. And then one day he understood. He went to the Master and prostrated in complete silence.

'Ah! Now you have it. Now you have understood the sound of one hand clapping.'

Portrait of Paramahamsa Nithyananda