Chapter - 7: Leaving Home🔗

Nithyananda says:

‘People ask me why I have ashrams. What is the point in living in ashrams, as if in a commune? How is it different from living in a joint family?’

We need to think of humans as conscious beings and not as a social utility. If you are a doctor, your profession is ‘doctor’; your being is not ‘doctor’. The Master is trying to help you reclaim your inner space, your being. You are more than a doctor; you are your inner space. In my ashrams, I am helping people to regain their inner space. In comparison to this inner space, the outer space that we have spent all our time in will seem so small and insignificant. One will no longer care for it. We will not care whether we have it or not.

Outer life is only one part of our life. You may ask, ‘Why can’t I reach this state from my own home? Why is the ashram necessary?’

Your home is based on the concept of society. It makes you forget the truth. The ideology of the inner space is the backbone of the ashram; its ambience, its structure, everything in it holds this ideology. Your friends and your Master will not let you forget this.

For ten days after meeting the Master, after hearing His discourse or doing his meditation course, we will be in a high mood at home. Then society takes over again; the bondage returns. The people who interact with us can influence us. Body language is food for the mind. It is important that the very body language of the people we move with keeps us in the current. In the ashram, the food is positive. People who we are with, help us overcome our weaknesses instead of exploiting them. They do not judge or criticize. Society on the other hand constantly judges us; if we conform, we are rewarded; if we do not, we are punished.

The ashram is a higher reality. The Buddha talked about the need to imbibe buddha (the Master himself), sangha (the community created by the Master) and dhamma (the Master's teachings) in order to reach the ultimate truth of Existence. The sangha, which is what is implied by the ashram life, provides the environment for the path to wisdom. Even if we do not remember our path, the sangha, the community, the ashram, will remind us. Someone around us will constantly remind us of the higher ideals we have set out to reach. We would have a loving and caring place to grow spiritually. In the outer world, people will disturb, obstruct and stop us from our spiritual path by bringing in their intellect and limited perceptions. In the ashram, people encourage us to reach out to great truths.

Human beings cannot live as isolated structures, as mere individuals. No man is an island, John Donne has said. The human being is a social animal. If we are constantly reminded of higher truths, we shall live them, radiate them.

Ashrams are epicenters of strong blissful vibrations; vibrations that cause the inner space to quake and shift; whatever we had built before is shattered and leveled. Sangha is an environment that radiates bliss, reminding us to live in bliss. That's why ashrams are created.

When one sits at the feet of the Master, all doubts are removed; energy is created to fulfil desires to reach higher spiritual levels.

It is easy to love the Master; it is much harder to love our fellow beings. In the ashram, people learn to love each other without conditions and clauses. Bliss is shared independent of the Master. The ashram is an ideological joint family. It is not the bondage of blood relationship. It is a deep emotional and ideological connection. Ashram life is a way of life that one needs maturity to enter into. It is not a theory but a reality to be experienced and expressed.

One does not have to renounce worldly and material life to be part of the ashram community. In Nithyananda ashrams around the world, couples and families live together in harmony, following a common dream while at the same time pursuing their vocation. It is a joint family, not related by blood, but by conviction and the radial linkage to the Master. It is a bond that is much stronger than any blood relationship.

The ashram life does require maturity to be a part of it. One has to be in a relatively egoless state to coexist with others in a mode of true equality. It is an environment where each one compensates for another's weakness and shares one's strength with another. There is no compulsion for anyone to do what he or she is told. Some may do all the work. Some may do nothing. Tolerance for another being, understanding of another being and acceptance of another being lead to compassion for one another. This leads to the understanding of Vasudha eva Kutumbakam (The whole world is one family).

Vivekananda said, ‘The dharma chakra (the wheel of righteousness) is in motion. All you have to do is to stand by it and be part of its motion.’ The ashram environment allows you to be a part of the moving chakra perpetually.

One of nithyananda's paternal side grandmothers was about 104 when she died, and nithyananda was about 12 then. This lady, whose name was Kannamma, had no children of her own and was looked after by one of nithyananda's uncles. The uncle and his wife were not happy looking after this lady, and always found some excuse or another not to be of help to her. The lady herself was a difficult and unpleasant person. She was very miserly even though she was wealthy. She often would ask nithyananda to buy her tobacco, and when the boy asked for money, she would tell him to ask his father. This old lady would even grudge her neighbors water from her well during the hard summer months.

When she died, no one in the family wept! The most caring person was the neighborhood doctor who attended to her, who had been treated shabbily by her and who had even been refused water by her in the past. Yet, with great compassion he treated her until her death.

Although no one was particularly grieved over her death, the women in the household changed into cheap saris and removed all their jewelry before friends and neighbors arrived to offer their condolences. As soon as the guests arrived, they started wailing as if on cue. Once the formal wailing ceremony was over, they would get into inane social conversation, and offer refreshments and coffee to guest mourners. Every time a new set of relatives arrived, the wailing cycle would start all over again. nithyananda was shocked at the hypocrisy of it all.

While the dead body was still in the house and relatives were still calling upon the family, the immediate family went into the dead lady's private room, where her box of jewelry was kept under her bed. They all laid claim to her jewelry and other possessions and started negotiating and bargaining even before her body had grown cold. The family called in a goldsmith to estimate the worth of the jewelry.

In that moment, nithyananda lost all respect for his family and its social conditioning. He started laughing loudly at their behavior. An uncle tried to hit him to stop his laughter, as he thought that the boy was getting hysterical out of emotional shock. nithyananda held his uncle's hand and told him that if he tried to hit him again he would tell the entire assembled crowd what the family members were up to, bargaining over sharing the loot even before the body was cremated. nithyananda's mother told the uncle to be careful of her son, as he was quite capable of doing what he threatened to do. She tried to persuade him to eat to divert him. The relatives then haggled about who would pay for the funeral expenses. nithyananda's father, a mild and innocent man who hated arguments, immediately agreed to take care of all expenses to avoid any dispute on this score.

Completely disgusted, nithyananda took his book of the Bhagavad Gita and started chanting the verses in front of the dead body. (By then, he had already had first spiritual experience). That was probably the only action that helped the old lady's spirit depart peacefully amidst all the drama that was going on. Nithyananda later told us: That was the first conscious death that happened in my Presence.

From early childhood, nithyananda had dreamt of becoming a sannyasi, an ascetic mendicant. In traditional families, boys and girls who were still in their early teens, were matched for future marriage. This was done as soon as the girls reached adolescence. A suitable match was usually selected from within the family network. Very rarely was there any opposition to these arranged matches. Both girl and boy were constantly reminded of their relationship, and as far as the family was concerned it was all a done thing; and so it was with the boy and the girl; they never considered any alternatives.

In Indian joint families, especially in smaller towns, the sons continued to stay with the parents even after marriage, under parental control and under the same roof. Sons inherited the family wealth and needed to be part of the family; daughters, on the other hand, became part of their husbands’ families once they were married. nithyananda’s elder brother had already been matched with a relative when he was about 14 and it was nithyananda’s turn now. With great fervor, the family started discussing possibilities.

One day, an elderly lady, a relative, started discussing this in front of nithyananda. The boy stared hard at her. The lady became uncomfortable and asked him why he was staring at her. nithyananda continued to stare and looked hard into her eyes. She understood that he did not like her discussing his marriage and asked what he had against marriage and why he was upset. nithyananda asked her rather rudely, and unusually for him, ‘What have you achieved by marriage?’ The lady did not reply; instead she asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. Without a trace of doubt,

nithyananda promptly replied that he wanted to be a swami, a sannyasi. He drew a picture of how he would look when he grew up. The picture was that of a monk with a turban, the headdress Nithyananda sports today.

nithyananda's mother had understood her son's inclinations even when he was a child. nithyananda was very close to his mother. Even into his teens, he would lie with his head on her lap and talk to her about his spiritual experiences. He would spend a lot of time in the kitchen talking to his mother. On occasions when nithyananda would laugh, joke and play the fool, he would find his mother suddenly turn sad with tears in her eyes. It was as if she knew for certain that he would leave her and go away soon.

Academics were purely incidental in nithyananda's pursuit of truth. He spent hardly any time with his books. With just the total concentration that he gave to his lessons during the class hours, he saw through his exams with distinction. After finishing his high school in Tiruvannamalai, nithyananda went to study Mechanical Engineering at a Polytechnic Institute in the nearby town of Gudiyattam.

He stayed at a lodge in the town. Even during this period when he was away from home, nithyananda spent his time alone in meditation, unlike his friends who used to spend time having fun and watching movies. Here too, he rarely spent time studying and yet fared very well in his exams. When one of his friends asked him what he was going to achieve by 'wasting' long hours in meditation, nithyananda replied, 'One day, you will stand in line to receive my blessings. Then you will know.'

(During a recent tour of Tamil Nadu, in his hometown of Tiruvannamalai, the Master beckoned us onto the dais in a packed hall where he had just delivered a discourse and led a meditation session. He pointed out to us his old friends, who were now waiting in a queue to take his blessings. The boys could be seen choked with emotion and shaking uncontrollably, as they bowed down to touch the feet of the Master. We looked on, caught in our own emotions, as he took them in his arms with mischievous laughter and compassion.)

By the time nithyananda was seventeen, he had completed his diploma in Mechanical Engineering. By now, the urge to leave home became unbearable. He felt he was ready to enter into a life of sannyas. He felt that he could not continue living the way he was at home. His whole life seemed a lie. It was suffocating to live in social bondage.

Recently we stumbled upon some archival material at the Bidadi ashram and came across a few pages from a diary written by nithyananda in Tamil when he was seventeen. These writings indicated what triggered his departure from home.

On 15 July 1994 nithyananda wrote:

I took all the papers and talisman given by K.S. Narayanaswami Thatha, read the papers, tore them up, and threw everything in the well and in the garbage pile.

On 16 July 1994 he wrote:

Today is the great day when Brahmasukhi was kicked by a man and received correctional wisdom, just the same way as Saint Pattinatthar received enlightenment through the blows of a woman! After an hour and a half of deep meditation, mind became fully focused.

(Brahmasukhi was the title given to nithyananda by Kuppammal in her letter of initiation.)

On 17 July 1994, he wrote:

Today I meditated for half hour to one hour. Mind was at peace. No rapprochement with Him. He was angry. Even when I spoke he did not respond properly.

On 18 July 1994, he wrote finally:

Let my mind win over my senses! Since my wisdom has not matured the same way as my mind has, it behaves in its own way. To enhance my wisdom, it is good to do pranayama (controlled breathing meditation) daily from 11 pm till 1 am.

This sequence of incidents referred to a meeting that nithyananda had had with a Siddha, a mystic who had great wisdom and powers. nithyananda had started spending time with these traveling, wandering mystics in Tiruvannamalai, in much in the same way as Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, and learnt many spiritual techniques from them.

He used to regularly meet this Siddha, an eighty-year-old man, who used to sit in a small mandapam (an open shelter) by the Girivalam path (the path around Arunachala). The Siddha was like a madman, in appearance and behavior. He had a bowl in front of him and people would drop food into it. He would eat and leave the bowl unwashed. Stray dogs would come and lick it clean. Passersby would again drop food in the same bowl and he would eat that as well. If someone would wash the bowl, it would get cleansed, or else it would remain that way.

That was also the time when nithyananda internalized a number of tantric techniques taught to him by Narayanaswami Thatha (about whom we read earlier), and using these powers started predicting events and materializing objects for his friends. He indulged a lot in energy play for the fun of it, with only positive connotations though. This Siddha however, told nithyananda one day that his indulgence in energy play was like prostituting himself, and that he should give up all these practices since they were stalling his spiritual growth. He compared nithyananda to Pattinatthar, a famous Tamil personality, who lusted for women despite his spiritual inclinations.

When Nithyananda showed us these pages from His diary, He recalled this sequence of events. He said that on the day when the Siddha admonished him and kicked him, he threw away all the mantra he had written down and the talismans given by Narayanaswami Thatha and dedicated himself to meditation.

When describing this milestone event in his life that triggered his departure from home, Nithyananda said to us:

‘Like how other boys of my age were caught in lust and gave in to it, I was caught in energy play and indulged in it heartily. When the Siddha told me that I was prostituting myself like Pattinatthar, I tore the thaayathu (talisman) given by Narayanaswami Thatha, although I did not tell him that I tore it. The next day, the Siddha beat me. The blow that he gave had a far greater psychological effect than a physical effect. It was like a cognitive shift. Like how the moment Pattinathar understood the saying kaadatra oosiyum vaaraathu kaan kadai vazhikkue (a needle without an eye is of no use), he dropped all his bad habits and renounced his wealth, and went away to the holy city of Varanasi. The blow that the mystic gave me was like a lightning shaft that awakened me. I left all power play and left home soon as well.’

‘If you read these bits of papers, you can clearly see the play of the mind before the final decision was taken. Just look at the thought trend during just those few days. For those few days that the encounter with the mystic was happening, my mind was swaying like a pendulum. At one point in time, I tore the talisman given by Thatha. The next moment, I contemplated bringing the torn talisman back, thinking I might have done something wrong in tearing it.

The mind was so disturbed that I told myself to do pranayama to control it and attain peace! I have even recorded at that time that, on one occasion, the mystic did not talk to me properly and my mind was more disturbed because of this. To me, those wandering mystics were my soulmates, and I could not bear it when they did not respond to me properly. I have recorded clearly that I understood that the turmoil was because my wisdom had not matured as my mind had. My intellect was fine but it had not become an experience and so the practices created confusion. I felt that breath control, pranayama, would help in settling down. But finally, the shift happened within and the decision to never again indulge in energy play was taken! Look how closely I was watching my mind at that age! That incident and those few days were like a process, a technique for me.

I underwent turmoil before giving up. Just these 4 bits of paper are like a process, like a technique for anyone who reads it as well, if one relates to the sequence with keen awareness. These pieces of paper show that the meditation, the penance itself happened with understanding and that understanding did not come only as a result of enlightenment.

You need to understand one thing: There was no one in my life to tell me: 'do this', 'do that', 'if you do this, you will attain enlightenment', etc. Neither was there any living Master to show me that if I did all those things, I would attain enlightenment. There was no living Master to guide and show me through his own experiences, that I too could attain enlightenment. Despite this, I moved on, with great faith in Existence, drawing intelligence from the cosmic source.'

Soon after this incident, nithyananda felt that it was time to leave home. Suddenly one evening, the urge was so strong that he decided that he needed to act immediately. He felt he had to jump out of the life he was leading and into the life he was seeking without further delay. He could not bear to continue living the way he was any longer.

nithyananda had to tell his mother first. He loved her deeply and wanted to make sure that her shock and suffering was as little as possible. That night, when the urge was so strong that he felt he must depart, nithyananda went to his mother around 10 pm in the night. He asked her, ‘What would you do if I died?’

His mother asked, ‘Why do you ask such an inauspicious question? What is wrong?’

nithyananda said, ‘Nothing, no particular reason, I just need to know.’

His mother said resignedly, ‘What will I do? I need to accept it if it happens.’

nithyananda then told her that he wanted to leave home and take sannyas.

His mother burst into tears. Her body shook in sorrow uncontrollably. ‘I knew that you would go away one day,’ she said. nithyananda asked her whether she did not want him to leave. She said, ‘No, I know that you want to go, and I want you to do what you have always longed to do in your life. I cannot stop you from that; but I cannot bear to see you go. That is why I am crying.’

nithyananda felt overwhelmed at this unconditional love of his mother. She was in deep sorrow and yet she wanted for her son to go ahead and do what he wanted. She did not wish to come in his way. Her innocence and selfless love touched him deeply. She was innocent of her own innocence. nithyananda had not expected his mother to accept the reality of losing him so easily. It was as if there was a divine hand in this. When one is intensely in tune with the divine, things fall in place and all obstructions disappear.

When nithyananda's father returned home from work, his mother told him what her son had told her earlier that night. nithyananda's father was angry with her. He felt that she had done something to annoy their son, which caused him to want to move away from home. nithyananda told his father that there was nothing his mother or anyone else in the family had done or said that led to his decision to leave home. He told his father that he had always wanted to lead the life of a sannyasi and he felt that this was the time for him to leave home in that pursuit.

nithyananda was fortunate that his parents were not sophisticated and corrupted by societal influences. They were naïve and innocent in many ways. All that they really wanted was their son to do what made him happy. They knew from the time of his birth, when the family astrologer had predicted that he would be a raja sannyasi, that he would leave home sooner or later. Their hope was that it would be later. They were concerned about how he would take care of himself, and where he would find shelter and food, since nithyananda had rarely ventured out of Tiruvannamalai.

Today, Nithyananda is worshipped by millions. Back in 1995, when he was ready to leave home, no one knew who he was. nithyananda himself had no idea then what would happen to him. He knew that he wanted to be enlightened, and he thought it would happen sometime before he died, perhaps when he was 70 or 80. He had no clue as to what Existence had in store for him, nor did he know then that he was to surrender to Existence every step of the way.

He told a group of us one day, 'My idea at that time was that I would get enlightened through intense perseverance and meditation, and after attaining, I would be by myself in my enlightened state. Little did I know that Existence had planned a grand mission!'

nithyananda told his parents that he wanted to leave in a week's time. He was clear that he would not come back to southern India at all. His heart was set on the Himalayas. Although his father spoke little and did not try to stop his son, he made his displeasure and unhappiness felt by his attitude towards nithyananda's mother. nithyananda was sorry for his mother and tried to convince his father, without much success, that the decision to leave had nothing to do with his relationship with the family, and that it sprang from a desire deep within him. nithyananda's mother was being buffeted between father and son. Her husband felt that she was responsible for their son leaving home. She was heartbroken at her son leaving home. Both parents did not know when they would see their son again or whether they would see him alive again at all.

Years later, when we were on a yatra (pilgrimage) to the Himalayas with our Master, his parents were with us as well, and a few of us on the bus had the wonderful opportunity to hear Him talk to them about the particular time he decided to leave home! Nithyananda recalled the events that happened at that time and asked them for the first time how they felt when he was leaving home! We listened avidly. His mother told him that they knew from his birth that he would leave them one day. They were happy that he would become a great sannyasi as predicted by the astrologer; but they were not able to bear the parting. She also said that they had to bear the brunt of social repercussions but went through it all without much difficulty.

When Nithyananda returned to Tiruvannamalai for the first time after His enlightenment, as soon as He stepped into the town area,

He tripped on a stone. When He looked down, He found that it was a Shiva linga that seemed to have positioned itself there to welcome Him home. From childhood, His grandfather had repeatedly told nithyananda that Lord Arunachaleshwara and his consort Unnamulai Amman were his parents, and nithyananda had always considered Arunachala to be his home. Nithyananda took the Shiva lingam in His hands and went to see His mother to get her blessings.

Recently, a brahmachari at the ashram asked Nithyananda how it was possible for Him to seek the blessings of another person after enlightenment, even if it was His mother. Once enlightened, the Master has to bless others, not take their blessings.

Nithyananda explained:

‘In the period just before I got enlightened, almost all my samskaras and past experiences had already dissolved as a result of meditation and penance. However, I found that one block still remained. I searched within and found that it was a feeling of guilt. When I wanted to leave home and had asked my mother’s permission, she just shed tears and said that there was nothing for her to say and it was my own decision. She added that you have decided to become a sannyasi, but I cannot bear it, and I am crying because I cannot bear it; don’t be troubled.’

The words of his mother, helpless and not expecting any response, remained in nithyananda’s inner self as an energy block arising out of guilt. When he looked at this with awareness, that too dissolved and he was immersed in bliss and was enlightened.

Nithyananda said that it was to express gratitude for this incident that He wanted to seek His mother’s blessings.

Nithyananda's mother was also his first disciple. Whenever there was an issue that confused her, she sought him out for counsel. Whenever she needed to take a decision which she thought was important (including which television to buy!), nithyananda was the one she would turn to. Even then, both his parents used to call him ‘Swami’!

Many a time I have sat with this wonderful lady and talked to her about things in general, and our Master in particular. Nithyananda's father passed away in November 2005 and His mother now lives in the Bidadi ashram. She attends all the regular pooja done in the ashram, but very few people know that she is Nithyananda's mother, such is her simplicity and detachment. She says openly that she hardly understands anything of the philosophical truths that Nithyananda talks about, and that she is just content to sit and listen. Nithyananda recently ordained her as a sannyasini. When her turn came to receive the saffron clothes, He laughingly asked her as He asked everyone else, ‘Have you asked your parents for permission?’ (Her parents are still alive).

She answered simply, ‘No Swami, I just left home and came to you.’

Time and again Nithyananda talks about the innocence, simplicity and total lack of guile of both His parents and how much that helped Him to continue on His path with no obstacles.

News spread within the close-knit family circle of nithyananda that he was leaving home. Friends and relatives gathered as if to offer condolences, and the house had become a place of mourning. nithyananda sat on a sofa in the center of the house and all the visitors gathered around him, looking at him sadly and crying. They all knew that he would certainly leave, and yet some would try and persuade him not to. The answers that nithyananda gave them were curt and honest and very different from his normally very polite behavior. This stopped them from asking more questions.

An uncle questioned nithyananda as to why he was leaving and asked defiantly, 'Are we all not spiritual people?' nithyananda shot back, 'You drink from morning till evening. What do you know about spirituality?' The uncle shut up and left the house insulted.

nithyananda warned his mother that all the family wealth would disappear once he left home. He told her not to be concerned about this, as there would always be enough for her and his father to live comfortably, though not lavishly. His mother was not bothered about the wealth; she was only worried about who would feed her son as he wandered in the wilderness.

Once, when discussing prarabdha karma, and how the spirit chooses a suitable body and environment to fulfil its purpose, Nithyananda said of His parents, 'My parents had tremendous innocence. They were so innocent that they were not even aware of their innocence. They never interfered in anything I did. They never disturbed me. Whenever I brought home my school progress report for my father to sign, he would say, sign it yourself and take it back! They never protected me either; not from pain and accidents. They let me be. They let me grow with intelligence and visualization.'

When he left home, nithyananda said to his mother, 'Whoever takes care of everything, that Power will take care of you. He will take care of all your basic needs. Your last days will be with me.'

Later Nithyananda came to know that these very words were used by Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. When he initiated his beloved disciple Vivekananda into sannyas, Ramakrishna Paramahamsa blessed the grief-stricken family of Vivekananda, saying, 'Whoever takes care of everything will take care of you!' We were together, Master, His mother and I, when He recounted this incident with a huge smile on His face. I turned to look at His mother, as if for confirmation. All she could do was to nod silently, with tears in her eyes. She just said, ‘You are there Swami; that’s enough. I am blessed.’

nithyananda’s mother’s family was spiritually inclined, though his father’s family was quite the opposite. nithyananda’s maternal grandfather was nithyananda’s first inspiration, who carried him on his shoulders to the temple, told him stories, and created the first positive samskaras in the young boy. His grandfather told him time and again that he should be like Prahlad, Dhruv or Markandeya, all Masters who were enlightened before adolescence. One wonders whether he knew what was in store for the young child, who as he desired did have his first spiritual experience when he was still a child.

Some of the relatives suggested that nithyananda stay in a local religious institution that trained monks so that they would know that he was safe and could keep an eye on him. His grandfather said that he would build an ashram for him so that he need not go anywhere to pursue his spiritual quest, as there was no greater spiritual center than Tiruvannamalai. nithyananda laughed and told him that they would only let him stay there for two days. They would then ask him to come back home once a week, then twice a week and finally he might as well stay home, get a job and get married. His grandfather said, ‘No, no, no one will disturb you.’ But nithyananda had no patience to listen to all this.

Someone then said, ‘Let us get him married within two or three days; let us select a girl.’ They started discussing what dowry to ask for! It was all a matter of family prestige. ‘How can we let him do this? What will people say when they hear that a son has walked out of the family?’ Lots of discussions went on. Some people wanted nithyananda guarded so that he would not run away.

An uncle from Chennai (known as Madras in those days), his mother’s brother, suggested that nithyananda stay with him in Chennai for a while before he decided to leave. Intuitively, nithyananda felt that this would help him. He wanted to go north to the Himalayas. He knew that he needed to board a train from Chennai in order to travel north. He had already decided that he would not touch any money once he started his wandering. In a train in India it is still possible to travel without a ticket, whereas in a bus it is impossible, and to reach Chennai he would have to take a bus, for which he had no money. Fortunately for him, his uncle was willing to take him to Chennai. Things were indeed falling into place!

In fact, the only problem that nithyananda had when leaving his home was leaving Arunachala. After his experience with Arunagiri Yogiswara, this was the only time in his life that he felt that he would be missing something. Whenever people had talked to him about the fact that he would miss one thing or another when he left home, it did not make any sense to him. It was only when he came to bid farewell to his dear Arunachaleshwara at the temple that he felt that he was about to lose something.

Before he left Tiruvannamalai, nithyananda went to the temple of Arunachaleshwara, and stood at the sanctum sanctorum before the deity. For the first time, he felt the depth of his connection to Arunachaleshwara. He did not feel he was going to miss Him. No; but he was sad he was going to miss all His festivities and functions. As he stood in front of his beloved Arunachaleshwara, tears flowed unceasingly from his eyes. The form of the idol filled his mind. Whatever one sees normally is stored in the eyes. Whatever one sees intensely is stored in the mind. Anything that is stored this way inside, in the mind, will attract one’s attention again and again. The moment he strongly felt that he would not see the idol again, the form of the idol left him. The feeling of missing disappeared. nithyananda could see the living energy behind the idol radiating compassion and blessing. He heard a distinct voice, the Lord blessing him, 'You will come back to me, you will come back successfully.' nithyananda prostrated before the idol and took leave with deep love and fulfillment. nithyananda felt that Arunachaleshwara was with him on this journey.

Whenever nithyananda traveled by bus from Tiruvannamalai, he would keep looking back till Arunachala was out of sight. This would normally take about half an hour after the trip started. This time as he traveled to Chennai, the boy continued to see the mountain till he suddenly woke up when the bus reached Chennai, and he realized that he had slept through the trip dreaming of his beloved Arunachala. His inner space was filled with the grace of Arunachala.

Soon after His enlightenment, Nithyananda had a vision of the mission that He had been sent to accomplish. He perceived this mission as an endeavor to transform people, their attitudes and mindsets through meditation, and ultimately to awaken them to their own divinity. He had a strong impulse to go back to the southern part of India where He came from, even though He had determined when He left home that He would not return.

Another beautiful vision that He received was of the Supreme Swan, the Paramahamsa that represents enlightened consciousness. That Swan, the Paramahamsa, is now the emblem of Dhyanapeetam, the spiritual center of Nithyananda's mission. Dhyanapeetam is today part of Nithyananda's global mission for transformation through meditation, Nithyananda Foundation.

In later days when Nithyananda reflected upon the vision of this great Swan called the Paramahamsa, He had these insights to offer us. The Swan in the following story is a metaphor for the enlightened Master, and the fish that see the Swan are his disciples.

A great Swan, the Paramahamsa is flying high in the sky. As it flies, its reflection falls on various ponds and lakes, far below on the earth. The fish that live in these ponds and lakes see the reflection of the Swan and rejoice. The very sight of the reflection fills them with joy, and they want the Swan to stay with them forever. Schools of fish start marking off areas which they claim are their own, within which they want to capture the Swan's reflection. They build fences and walls to contain the reflection. Some fish build temples for the Swan. Some fish build ashrams. The fish hope to contain the Swan within these boundaries, believing that the reflection will remain in their possession.

Some fish make a website for the Swan! Others bring out books on it. As the Swan's reflection crosses the pond, different groups say, 'We in Seattle own the Swan; we in Vancouver own the Swan; the Swan belongs to Bangalore, etc.' Yet very few fish look up. They are all so focused on and obsessed with the reflection.

The Swan neither knows what is going on the water far below, nor is it bothered about the drama played out by the fish. It continues to fly. It never lands.

It is only the reflection that the fish perceive as moving. The fish too move. The water too is moving. The fish cannot distinguish between the reflection and the source. The fish are very excited about the Swan in the water. Just by being close to the reflection, some fish feel they are turning into Swans. They feel that the closer they are to the reflection, the faster they will become Swans!

If only the fish would raise their eyes, they would see the real Swan, the source of the reflection that they are chasing. However, the reflection itself is so graceful, so beautiful, that most fish have no motivation to look up. The fish are quite happy building walls and fences in the water, with the belief that they are able to hold the Swan and possess its reflection. If they do look up and see beyond the reflection, they too can become Swans; then they will be really enlightened.

The reflection comes and goes, as the Swan flies past the ponds and returns, in many forms: Jesus, Krishna, Buddha and others; different angles, different perspectives and different distortions.

If the water is calm, the fish see one reflection; if the water is turbulent they see another; when they move with the water they see yet another form. They argue with each other, claiming that what each one sees is the real Swan, all the while seeing only the reflection. Each reflection is possessed by that individual fish or groups of fish, not to be shared.

They don't even wait till the reflection goes beyond the limits of the pond before arguing about the reality of the Swan as they see it. The Swan just keeps flying, the fish just keep arguing. The fish miss the present, miss the reality in the whole game.

Are the fish also part of the reflection? The illusion of what is going on?

When they do not see the swan's reflection, the fish have no recollection of the reflection that had filled them with joy just a while ago. Their memories are short and they are back to their eating, mating, fighting and dying!

It is only when they see the reflection, and with it the joy it brings, that their spiritual drama begins again. If they do not see the reflection, there will be no Swan, no movement. The water does not hold imprints of the Swan. The water does not move with the Swan. The Swan does not know about its reflection. Only the fish react. They react when they see the reflection.

Some fish will write all this down as well! That will not be the Truth. Truth is multidimensional. Any writing, however good, will only be two-dimensional. But of course, it needs to be written to offer inspiration to seekers to experience the Swan in them.

Zen Koans, Buddhist Sutras, Sufi Stories, Christian Parables, Hindu mantras - all say the same thing: Look up! Look within!

When the fish come close to the reflection, the form gets distorted. They cannot see clearly any more. The fish need to look up, look within.

When Truth is expressed, the facts become meaningless. The vision of the reflection is factual; the vision of the Swan is the Truth. When one perceives with the intellect, one is still far from Truth. One should get closer and feel with the heart. When one gets closer, one experiences through the senses. When one gets really close, the eyes can no longer see clearly. What can be seen is only through the being. What is seen through the being is the Truth; that is the witnessing consciousness.

When the witnessing consciousness is at work, what is right for you will happen. Every thought that arises in you will be fulfilled. What you see will be the Source, not the reflection. That is the level at which enlightened Masters operate.

Some Siddha, who are spiritual technology practitioners and mystics who are not enlightened, can also make their desires come true through visualization and other such techniques; however, they do not do it with conscious awareness, and can get into serious trouble by operating through their unconscious.

When nithyananda left home after his first spiritual experience, he had a clear understanding of how ephemeral social life was. However, his mind was not empty. It still had an alloying element that separated the near-enlightened fish from the Swan. The wanderings and the penance burnt out the remnants of the alloy; the mind was left behind purposely so that the final union could take place. Finally the fish looked up and became the Swan; nithyananda became Nithyananda.

In turn, the Swan inspires other fish to look upwards, so that they too can join him in the sky!

'It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma,' said Churchill famously of Russia during World War II.

Without any reservation we could use this expression for our Master. Or perhaps we could even go further: He is a puzzle in a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma!

I remember the time when the Master was elaborating upon the Shiva Sutra to us. Shiva Sutras are ancient Hindu scriptures in which Lord Shiva, the Rejuvenator, answers questions posed by Devi, his consort. This day was the fifth day of the Shiva Sutra lectures.

Devi asks Shiva, 'O Shiva, what is Your reality, beyond form pervading form?'

We sit in front of him as in the days of the Upanishad, disciples at the feet of the Master.

There is no order; no chaos. There is neither respect nor insolence. Men do not sit on one side, and women on the other. There is no chatter; but no silence either. There are no questions; mere doubts. There is no desperation; just acceptance. There are electronic gadgets on one side; articles of ritual worship on the other. No greed is evident; nor guilt. No anger visible; nor helplessness. The assembly is a motley mix of genders, ages, professions and interests; all with one purpose - to listen to the Master expound upon the timeless Truths.

The Master sits with a smile, inscrutable as the Sphinx.

Who is He? Is He the Father, Mother, Son, Brother, Friend, Beloved or a Fake? We know He would love to be called a Fake; that would make the confusion more complete. Is He all forms in one? He can be the terror of Shiva; He can also be the nectar of Krishna.

Is He better as a bitter nightmare or a sweet fantasy?

There are times when He chides, eyes aglow with anger. One learns to stay quiet with acceptance. The grimace morphs into a grin. Shiva morphs into Krishna. Tears come to my eyes even as I write, and as I read what I write; what to speak of being in His presence.

He is all forms; and no form. He refuses to be captured in a frame, turned into a stone, worshipped as an image; He would then be a Master dying at the hands of the fantasies of his devotees. He would rather be the 'simha swapna', the nightmare, awakening us into wisdom; to be the Zen stick that prods us into wakefulness, than to be the crutch that we are comfortable with. He relates to us on multiple frames and planes, just to keep us off balance and in confusion, than allow Himself to be frozen into one frame that kills the Master and ourselves.

The Master is beyond forms; beyond dimensions. He is not uni, bi, tri or multi dimensional. His dimensions and forms are infinity; infinite dimensional; infiniD, so to say.

He said to us:

‘To each one of you I am different. The way I interact with one person depends on the needs of the being of that person, which even that person may not understand. Do not discuss with one another how I treat you and work with you individually and personally. You will only cause misunderstanding and confusion.

Do not try and put me in a frame, saying 'Oh, you are Krishna, you are Shiva, you are Mother', etc. I will not allow myself to be put in a frame. The moment you enclose me in a frame, I die. I am a living Master. I change every instant. Do not try to predict my actions, my words, my thoughts; you will only have suffering.

Frozen into one frame, as Mother or Beloved, I am easy for you to capture and retain. I am then easier to market. It's good business for me, not good business for you. I want you to be confused so that you become enlightened. I want you to die so that you are reborn. Come to me with your ignorance; it's my duty to show you the path. Don't hesitate to soar into higher consciousness and to fall into my arms with love; you will soar with me into bliss'.

We are so used to falling into mud that we hesitate. Soaring into bliss is not our nature as we understand it. Our anxieties and fears work upon us creating nightmares and fantasies.

There was a far deeper meaning in what the Master said than was obvious. He wanted each one to flow with Him as He was at every moment; savor Him here and now. People worry about when they will see Him next while they are still in His presence. He says, ‘What foolishness! Just enjoy my presence. By thinking about when you will see me next, you are wasting the opportunity to be joyful now. Grab this moment. Just be.’

It is not for the disciple to unravel the mystery of his Master; not even to try and understand; the proposition is doomed to be a failure. All one can do is to BE, and to enjoy the bliss of that moment.

He said these words while on a yatra to the Himalayas in the year 2005, while talking about the relationship with the Master:

Who is the Master, the Guru? The Guru is a being in whom Nithya Ananda or Eternal Bliss is expressed. He is one who creates and transmits a formula and the space for others to experience the same eternally - without the need for the formula and space. From time immemorial, the Guru-shishya parampara (Master-disciple relationship) has existed in the Himalayas. It is the oldest of relationships. The very idea of relating with one another started only after this relationship. It is also the last relationship before enlightenment.

Before this, humans were like animals, barbaric, in whichever culture and religion. All civilizations started with the advent of the Master-disciple relationship. Even Masters who taught that there was no need for a Guru, like J Krishnamurti, became Gurus despite themselves. All knowledge, not just spiritual, needs a Guru, the person who leads us from darkness to light, from ignorance to knowledge.

In modern days, people tend to question the need for a spiritual Guru, but not the other kinds. People respect those who teach them a skill that helps them earn money, but spiritual Masters are considered optional. Spirituality is not an option, something esoteric, something magical, something unattainable. It is the state in which we are mentally and physically sound and happy. Our relationships with one another become productive and fruitful, and in addition we have the awareness of what we are doing at every instant.

This awareness makes us spontaneous, grounds us in the present, and makes us truly responsible for our thoughts, words and actions. Each individual needs to attain this state for one's own good as well as that of others around.

If you understand this truth and respect spiritual knowledge, you will not question the need for a spiritual Master. Man needs a Master. It's your choice to select a spiritual Master or an unenlightened person as your Guru. If you are not guided by your Master, someone will guide you, and if that person is not capable, you will suffer.

If you choose a political person as your Master he will rule you using fear; if you choose some other celebrity, he might rule you using greed. Only a spiritual Master rules you with love, and liberates you.

A small story:

A doctor, an engineer and a politician were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The doctor said his was the oldest, because God created Eve from Adam's rib. The engineer disagreed and said that his was the oldest, because he first had to create Adam from chaos.

'Ah!', said the politician, 'Who do you think created the chaos?!!

You will be ruled by those who create chaos! They infuse fear, greed and fantasies into you. They present these as the fulfillment of your desires: the way you want to live, on stage, on screen.

A spiritual Master liberates you from greed, fear and fantasies.

You are all courageous, intelligent and fortunate to follow a spiritual Master. When you follow others as your masters, they do not present themselves as your teachers, yet cunningly control and direct you; whereas a spiritual Master liberates you from bondage.

He who leads from darkness to light is the Master, the Guru.

The ancient Hindu scriptures called Upanishads are the essence of the Vedas, knowledge that was directly experienced by enlightened sages. Upanishad literally means to sit with the Master. You expand in universal consciousness by sitting with the Master. When you fall in love with the Master, you rise in consciousness.

The relationship with the Master transcends time and space; it is eternal. The Master-disciple relationship cannot be destroyed by the advent of science and knowledge, because it is the means to Truth, and anything that leads to the Truth is eternal and cannot die. Masters deliver the Truth to humanity.

When your Mother teaches you to say 'ma' or 'amma' (mother) she becomes your first Master. It's only later that you realize she is your Mother. That's why the status of the Master is placed before Mother, Father and God, and he is your first relationship. His is also the last relationship; upon enlightenment, the Master and disciple merge into a common energy.

Nothing that I taught you so far in my various programs of meditation is as solid as this subject. What I have really wanted to say has always been on this Master-disciple relationship. However, unless you have done some of my courses, you would not have understood this. Now at least some of you are willing to listen. And so many more will come in future.

If you qualify, you can listen, enjoy, and transform. If not, you may move away. You are taking the jump. If you connect, relax and celebrate.

There are three levels at which I have taught. In the elementary courses that I had earlier taught, such as the Life Bliss Program, where I taught meditation techniques to energize the energy centers or chakras of the mind- body system, you see the Master and listen to him. In the next level, the Nithyananda Spurana Program where I describe my experiences about death and take you through the process of eliminating past memories that impede your progress in life, you relate more closely with the Master. Later at the Healing Initiation, where you seek to be a disciple and I accept you as my disciple, you identify more with me and I take responsibility for your spiritual progress. Now, here, you are being with the Master. Watch my body language so that you may imbibe it.

A seeker once asked a Zen Master, 'Can you teach me how to get enlightened?' The Master replied, 'No, I cannot teach you, but you can learn from me.' It is just like learning to swim. What the Master meant was, 'You will gain courage by watching me, then you can jump in and swim. I cannot teach you, you have to learn.'

Enlightenment cannot be taught, but you can learn. You gain trust by watching the Master. You develop trust. You feel, 'If he can be enlightened, why can't I?' Be with the Master. Behave like the Master, with a deep intense desire to seek.

It's not imitation; it's imbibing. Imbibe Nithyananda.

To imbibe me, you have to do nothing; just be here. I am such a strong power that there is no gate that will not open for me. You will imbibe Nithyananda. Relax, relate, and celebrate.

Swami Vivekananda said: Awake, Arise and stop not till the goal is reached.

I say: Arise, Awake, STOP, the goal is reached!’

It is over a year since we first heard our Master on the Shiva Sutras and over six months since he spoke to us at length on the Master-disciple relationship. Much has changed with many of us since then. Everything around the Master seems to have changed. There are new ashrams in many parts of the world now.

The Bidadi ashram's landscape has changed and will keep changing. Every new structure that comes up falls short of space requirements even as it is opened up for use. Followers have multiplied many-fold. Soon two levels of programs, perhaps even three that the Master used to conduct himself barely a year ago, will be conducted by ordained Acharyas (Teachers).

Yet, despite all His warnings about how He cannot be taken for granted and how He will never be the same, the Master has remained the same. For one thing, all that one can be certain about Him is the uncertainty about Him! That has not changed. Each moment with Him and around Him is different, unpredictable, an adventure of the mind and spirit. For another, the sheer compassion that is His hallmark has not changed.

Nithyananda’s mission in life is very simple. He is the rower of the boat that ferries us across the ocean of life’s illusions; He is the destroyer of the cycle of life and death. He is the kalabhairava who carries our spirits across time and space tirelessly with compassion.

He has declared in many a Nithyananda Spurana Program:

‘What I say to you is the Truth. At any point in time that you lose consciousness, be it at death or in a medical emergency, I shall be by your side. If it is at death, I shall guide you through your passage. If you do not wish to be reborn, you shall never have to be reborn again. If you wish to be reborn, you shall be reborn as what you wish to be’.

My heart melts each time I hear Him. My entire being overflows with gratitude to my Master. Paraphrasing the words of Ramana about Arunachala: What have I done to deserve you? What can I offer to you that could be of any value to you? I have been so lucky. I have bought your grace for a pittance; your grace that millions cannot buy, I have now bought just by surrendering myself to you.

It is yours to buy too.

As the Master has said, ‘I am not on sale for wealth; but you can buy me with your love.’

It is not by accident that you are reading this book. It is the beginning of a journey, where the path is important and the goal irrelevant.

We hope that this journey has been of value, inspiring you further on your own path of inner discovery.

Nithyanandam! Eternal Bliss to you!