2. Intelligent Parenting
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A small story:
A mother brought her American boy to Nithyananda with a complaint. Mother said, ‘Master, he is not obeying my words. Please advise him.’
Nithyananda felt awkward. Nithyananda did not always obey His mother. How can Nithyananda advise the boy? The boy looked intelligent, but the mother kept pestering Nithyananda to advice the boy. Nithyananda had no way out of it.
Nithyananda told the boy, ‘Why don’t you obey your mother? See, she even made me obey her!’
He said, ‘Master, she is not happy. If I follow her where will I end up? I will end up being unhappy like her. Why are you asking me to listen to her? Why are you advising me to obey her?’
Nithyananda was shocked. We had a long talk and Nithyananda convinced the boy to listen to his mother. Some good would come out of it.
The incident made Nithyananda realize that parenting is different in modern times. How different? Nithyananda thinks the young generation children will sue their parents if they end up in depression. They will go to court and say, ‘These guys, my parents, did not give me the correct mental setup to handle the challenges in this world. I am depressed because they did a poor job.’
Understand! Parenting is a challenge for both the parents and children. But it is parents, as adults, who have to be careful. The biggest mistake parents make is to induce fear, threat of beating, or greed, by tempting rewards with candies or something, in order to get the children behave in an ‘appropriate’ manner.
While this works fine, it also creates a deep guilt in a tender being. The child begins to feel terrible when he does anything that deviates slightly from the laid out rules. The child loses his freedom to explore.
A parent has to provide the experience of consciousness rather than let the conscience grow. Consciousness is natural. Conscience is learned, taught, adapted, and imposed by the society.
A parent can spoon-feed a child with conscience with a detailed instruction of dos and don’ts. Consciousness can only flower from within. It cannot be spoon-fed.
Be clear! Unless we have that patience, we have no right to bring one more life on this planet.
Parents tell me, ‘It is very difficult to manage them Master. It is very difficult to give their intelligence. We have to create guilt and give them rules.’
Tolerance, compromise, and letting everyone feel included are a part of intelligent parenting.
Understand, if we have not solved our life’s problems we have no right to bring the next generation on earth.
