Leaving home...
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“An ashram is an energy field where every path is a journey inwards.” - Paramahamsa
With a growing consciousness, the urge to leave home became stronger. One evening, the urge was so strong that Paramahamsa felt the need to act immediately. He felt he had to jump out of the life he was leading and into the life he was seeking without further delay. He could not bear to continue living the way he did.
Paramahamsa had to tell his mother first. He loved her deeply and wanted to make sure that her shock and suffering was as little as possible. That night, when the Urge was so strong that he felt he must depart, Paramahamsa went to his mother at around 10 pm in the night. He asked her, 'What would you do if I died?' His mother asked, 'Why do you ask such an inauspicious question? What is wrong?' Paramahamsa said, 'Nothing, no particular reason, I just need to know.' His mother said resignedly, 'What will I do? I need to accept it if it happens.'
Paramahamsa then told her that he wanted to leave home.
His mother burst into tears. Her body shook in sorrow uncontrollably. 'I knew that you would go away one day,' she said. Paramahamsa asked her whether she did not want him to leave. She said, 'No, I know that you want to go and I want you to do what you have always wanted to do in your life. I cannot stop you from that; but I cannot bear to see you go. That is why I am crying.'
Paramahamsa felt overwhelmed at this unconditional love of his mother. She was in deep sorrow and yet she wanted for her son what he wanted. She did not wish to be in his way. Her innocence and selfless love touched him deeply. She was innocent of her own innocence.