91. Dissolution of the Mind🔗

Today I will share the story of how this dissolution of the mind happened in me. During my days of spiritual wandering, I was traveling continuously all over India, meditating, meditating, meditating. Usually I would stay in the cremation grounds and sit and meditate. In India, the cremation grounds are open places, not fenced off or maintained. People would ask me, 'Why do you choose to stay in cremation grounds?' I would say, 'Because I don't need to reserve a place there! Nobody will come there and disturb me.' Please understand, dead people never disturb others. Only living human beings disturb others!

Actually, the Vedic scriptures say that if you sit and meditate in the cremation ground, you will constantly remember and meditate on death. Going through your own psychological death at least once is the only way to transformation and enlightenment.

Anyhow, I was trying for years. Every day I would sit with the idea, 'I will sit the whole night. Tomorrow morning, I will go out for food, come back and sit again.' It was the same mistake I was making!

One day I was sitting in Manikarnika Ghat in Varanasi. It is the place where hundreds of dead bodies are burned every day. Hindu scriptures reveal that dying in Varanasi leads you to enlightenment. So Varanasi has a retirement community, filled with old people waiting to die and achieve liberation! Manikarnika Ghat is called mahasmashana, the ultimate cremation ground.

It just goes on and on and on. The fire never goes out in Manikarnika Ghat. From one body, they light the fire on the next body, continuously. Whether it rains or shines, it is an eternal fire.

I was sitting Manikarnika Ghat, watching the dead bodies being burned. Slowly I got the understanding, 'God, just like all these bodies are being burned, this body also will be burned one day. That's all! It is such a simple thing. There is nothing big in it. No need to make such a big fuss about death, life and all these foolish things. It is just dust to dust, nothing else.'

Actually, when you keep seeing the bodies being burnt, you will lose the respect and fear you carry for death. If you are a sincere seeker, if you really want to know the secrets of death and life, you should go to Manikarnika Ghat in Varanasi and sit and meditate there at least for a few days.

Then I thought, 'Every day I am meditating on death, but why am I still not able to experience psychological death?' Psychological death is different from physical death. It is the experience of death while your physical body is still alive. If you experience psychological death, suddenly you will see you are enlightened.

One day, I got tired of practicing, I got tired of everything. I just decided, 'Either this body should die and I should experience death, or I should have the death-experience by meditation. I will sit and meditate on death till I have the death-experience. If I don't have that experience, I will continue sitting till my physical death, that's all.'

In the beginning, even my own mind did not believe me! See, the mind knows all your games. It knows how many times you cheated. It knows how many times you dropped from your own decisions. It knows how many times you changed, you altered, you corrected, you found the fine print.'

So even I did not believe me. But somehow, the will was very strong. No food, no sleep, no toilet break, nothing. Just sitting. One day was over. Then the second day was also over. The third day, the whole body was practically frozen because of pain. This body wanted to move, but I said, 'No, nothing doing! No question of moving.' Suddenly, my whole being realized that I am really serious about my will! Suddenly my whole being realized I am going to do it. I was convinced about my own will power. I realized, 'I am really going to sit.'

When I first sat, my mind did not believe it and said, 'Alright, let's see. Struggle as much as you can. After all, you are a good guy, struggling for the last ten years. Try once more, nothing wrong!' The next morning it felt a little sympathetic. 'This fellow is really trying, struggling hard.' By the third noon, it was completely convinced. The power which was resisting had lost its hold on the consciousness. The constant doubt which was there saying, 'No, no, no, once he is tired he will come out. Once he is hungry he will get up and go to eat. Relax. Once he feels the hunger, everything will become alright' - that part had died.

Suddenly, my own being felt so strongly convinced that I am going to sit. I still remember very clearly one thought, one clear thought, 'I am going to sit eternally.' Deergha kalaha, forever.

Understand: mind and time are made of the same stuff. It is like this - you create a track out of steel and create a train out of the same steel. The steel train moves on the steel track. Same way, one part of mind is time. Mind moves in time. The moment you created time, now the mind can be alive forever.

Spiritual practice is the reverse journey. The moment you get ready to through time, naturally the mind cannot be alive. The dissolution of the practice forever, you break through the idea of time. When you break mind happens in you.

Going through my own psychological death at least once is the only way to transformation and enlightenment.