81. Running away from the Master🔗

I want to share an important understanding from my own life.

Listen: when I had my enlightenment at the age of twelve, the experience did not stay with me permanently. I was not in that same state permanently; in three days the experience disappeared. After that it was such a big missing, unimaginable missing. Understand: unimaginable missing! Till yesterday, you know you are God, and suddenly now you are back. How?

During my enlightenment, I had the strong experience that everything was me. Understand: just feeling that you are alive inside one body, your own body, gives you so much of joy. During the experience, I started feeling that I am alive in everything - the tree, the plant, the stone, the hill, the temple, everything; in the air, in the sky. How strongly you feel you are alive inside your skin, I started feeling equally alive in everything! It was such a joy, ecstasy, liberation; there was no fear; there was nothing to gain, nothing to lose. Two and half days I had 'bliss fever'! And when I went back to what you call the 'normal' state, I was pouring tears all the time.

See, if you don't know you are God, if you don't know you are Consciousness, if you don't know you are an enlightened soul, you at least know that you have to just put up with life, live with it, nothing can be done about it. But when you know it, and suddenly your body is not ready to leave it, that is the worst missing that can happen.

Just before I left for the USA, one of my new brahmacharis, a boy who recently came to the ashram for sannyas training, asked me a funny question. I was giving a little extra attention to him every day and teaching him or at least spending a few minutes with him, asking him, 'How are you? Are you feeling comfortable? Are you well settled here?' and all those things. So when I was leaving the ashram to come to the USA, he came to me and asked me, 'Swamiji, when you go to America, will you forget me?' I just laughed and said, 'Relax! I never remembered you, so forget about forgetting you!'

Understand: there is no favorite, there is no favorite. There can be n favorite for me, because I know that just as I am alive inside this body, I am alive inside that body, and inside all the bodies, inside everything. So where is the question of having a 'favorite'?

If I am giving attention to somebody, it is because the possibility for spiritual growth is there in that being, that's all. The possibility for the spiritual explosion is there. Sometimes, people are stuck in some places. They have a very strong spiritual pull, but they will not even know it is a spiritual pull. They only know that they keep me inside their heart and enjoy my presence, in the waking state or in the dream state or in the deep sleep state; when they remember me there is a twinkle in the corner of the eyes; it is just such a pleasant feeling.

At that same time, in another part of the same person's mind, the accumulated negative abhyasa will be creating all kinds of fears and questions and apprehensions - either judging me or judging the community around me or some situation they see around me!

I have seen people suffering with the negative abhyasa, negative conditioning. It is so powerful that it can show anything as negative; it can create a problem out of any situation. Some people, if you give invite them to spend time in the ashram, start saying, 'No no no! I am not doing anything here, how can I just stay here for free?' Then if you tell them, 'Alright, then take up some seva, so some volunteering', they feel, 'No, no, you are taking too much work out of me. Maybe the work is the only reason you are asking me to stay here.' Mind can play any game! The negative abhyasa can play any game.

So, on one side the beautiful feeling-connection is there, but on the other side the negative abhyasa and apprehensions are also there. Sometimes, when people are stuck in that level, I give them a little attention, so that they can come out of the negative apprehension, negative abhyasa; it can be broken.

The master's love is such an amazing energy that nothing needs to be done. One smile, one word, is enough; it will just work deep inside you. The negative abhyasa will simply lose its power over you.

This fight between the negative abhyasa and the feeling-connection with the master is the worst thing; or I can say that in a way it is the best thing! Sometimes the negative abhyasa wins and you escape. What can be done? Maybe few years will be wasted, or in some cases, a few lives will be wasted. When they come again after a few years, or after a few lives, either I may not be there or they may not be in a position to be around me. Or I may be there, and they may be there, but that click may not happen again.

That is why I always tell people: don't miss! Don't become powerless in front of your patterns! Many times I have seen people missing in the initial level for small reasons, simple reasons. If there is no arrangement for hot water in the ashram, they say. 'I can't stay now. After you have hot water and all the comforts here, we will come back and stay at that time.' And they go. But it will never happen again! Over! Just because there is no hot water, they escape - to their own hell! What to do? Nothing can be done.

Note down 3 situations where you missed something because you became powerless in front of your patterns. Bring your awareness to the patterns that caused this. How you would handle the same situations in future?