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upadeWastvayaṁ devi gurumダrgeṇa muktidaḥ | gurubhaktis-tathダtyダntダ kartavyダ vai manīṣibhiḥ || 189 ||

189. O Devi, this is the instruction on the path of Guru-Mダrga, which is capable of bestowing mukti. Therefore, Guru Bhakti should be practised by all with great devotion and faith.

Catch the Subtle Signs of the Guru

Gurus will not vocally, directly, tell you what you are missing, because it may be hurting.

A very powerful incident from my lifeŚ Arunagiri Yogishwara was supposed to give me an initiation one day. He told me that it is a ritualistic initiation, so I need to prepare formally. I had to get one banana, one betel leaf, one betel nut, a piece of cloth and the dakshinダ of 4 ダnダs. These were supposed to be offered as dakshinダ. He told Me, "Prepare everything and come with all that." He was supposed to give a very ritualistic initiation.

One beautiful thing with Arunagiri Yogishwara I have seen, even though He transmits all the experiences, everything, left and right, He will never miss performing something which needs to be done ritually, to educate me, so I will do the same for all of you. He will never avoid ritual. You see, He will make me experience the whole satya of sanyasa, that does not mean He will not perform the ritual. He will end, after that He will perform the ritual also and give the initiation formally.

All the things Arunagiri Yogishwara had asked me to get would cost maybe

less than 1 rupee, as the piece of cloth, the angavastram I already had. Only the other few things I needed to buy including that 4 ダnダ dakshina would cost only less than a rupee.

I went to my grandfather. He is the funder usually for all my rituals and all the expenses. He was sitting in our shop behind the front table. The table was too high for me so I put my hand on the table and tried to jump 3-4 times and called out "Thatha, thatha" (grandfather) to get his attention. He said, " Enna da, samiyar paiya vantaya "- What Swami, you have come?"

I said, "I am going to have some puja and initiation. I want one rupee." He would not usually handle cash. He would look at the cashier who would be sitting next to him. He would look at him and with the eyes itself he would signal how much to give etc. By then I had already studied the signal. If he just shows through the eye, only what I asked would be given. If he shows with a little smile also then, little more than what I asked would be given. All that signals now I had studied. And if I stood on the table and jumped few more times and na gged, "Thatha, innum konjam thatha, innum konjam thatha!" - please some more, grandfather, I would get one more coin or two more coins.

Arunagiir Yogishwara had told me to come before sunset. Before the sun set, I was supposed to go to Arunagiri Yogeshwara, so He could do the rituals and give the initiation. I knew the sun was going to set, I needed to run, but I was standing there nagging my grandfather , thinking that if I stand for a few more minutes, I would get few more coins and I could buy something with that, when I was going back to the temple.As usual when I stood there and nagged, my grandfather smiled at the cashier. The cashier would count in such a way, almost he would tear the currency note or almost half of the weight of that coin would go away the way he would rubs it! He would count and give, " Intha da samiyar paiya!" - Take this, swami.

Finally he would put the coin. Because I was standing and nagging, I got a few more coins.

I took the coins and ran to the temple. By the time almost sunset had happened. By the time I ran to Him with all the things, almost sunset had happened.

Whenever I go to Arunagiri Yogeshwara, first thing He will have a wide broad smile and He will stretch his legs for me to touch His feet. That's the way He would welcome me, receive Me. " Vaada!" (Come!) - He would stretch His leg, with a wide smile. That is the way He would always receive and I would run and touch His feet. That day, He did not stretch His feet. I will not say there was no smile, but I know it was a limited expression and He did not stretch His legs. That's it! I know, slight but very strong message for me. Fortunately, I had such deep Guru bhakti Sadダshiva gave, even the light warnings from Guru, made me wake up from my blind spots and catch His feet, change my cognition. I should say, that's the biggest right thing, which is much more important than the initiation from Guru, which lifted me and made me experience Oneness with Him.

It is your ability to see the slight warnings He gives and catch, change the cognition, that saves you in life. Because many times, He doesn't want to interfere with your freedom, with your Will, with what you want to do in your life. It is the slight messages. It's the light underlines. Listen carefully. These underlines, light warnings, very subtle messages, if you can catch that and change your depth, you are saved.

He did not stretch His leg. That was enough to shake me. I ran and just held His feet and said, "S aami mannichidunga late airuchu. Thappu pannitaene." Means, "Forgive me, I got delayed. I made a mistake." He said in Tamil very beautifully, " Intha sevaiya vida, athiga panam venumgara asaiyinalae, thevai illamal athiga neratha ezakara parappa" He told me, I am greedy for money. " Panathasaiyada! " It just shook me. See, for initiation, I needed only one rupee. I didn't need to be standing there and nagging my grandfather for a few more coins. Something which I thought I could buy, which can be a comfort and after all easy coming money, only few more minute, that casualness! It was a slap shock, I just woke up. Oh God! Just for these few coins! And I am a person who never touches money. Only like this, for initiation or any of this purposes like Arunagiri Yogishwara's work, I would touch money. I collapsed completely inside. Fortunately, I decided to choose the Guru - Arunagiri Yogeshwara - and dropped the remaining coins, which were in my hand at His feet. Never even the casualness, "If it is there, we can buy something", even

that cannot keep me away from my Guru. It was a very small incident, but too big a cognitive shift in me.

There are some messages which you cannot directly tell. If you directly tell, it will look like, "Oh, am I wrong? Is it wrong?" You will get into defense. Then you cannot be taught. The cognitive shift will not happen. I can only underline. Even a casual desire for little money should not keep you away from Guru. I can only underline. I cannot directly give you, if I give this statement directly to you, you may get into defense. Then transformation becomes painful, difficult. Sometimes things need to be very subtly told, you need to catch it. You need to catch it. Only if you catch the subtle messages given by Guru, your cognition will be consolidated.

When I collapsed at His feet, dropping the coins, my whole cognition changed. I was completely new. He lifted me up and held my face casually and turned. I saw the sun was back! No sunset! He smiled and said, "Getting sun back is much easier for Me than teaching you this subtle message. This was more difficult." The moment you become defensive with Guru, it is spiritual suicide. Nothing can be done after that. Sometimes if Guru tells directly, you get defensive with Guru. He said, "Making the sun set or getting it back, is in My Will, but you deciding to cognize My side or other side, is your Will. So I need to play here more subtly than there."

This depth cognitions come as 'waking up'. You just wake up, "Oh God, yes! How did I miss? How am I missing? How I am taking life for granted?" Actually, I felt, I took Arunagiri Yogishwara for granted, for that moment. He was sitting and for the sake of these few coins, I was wasting the few minutes not being in His presence. That was a slap on my soul. I felt, "How can this be?" Only when He picked me up, with both the hands very lovingly and holding my neck, turning my neck literally to show and I saw that the sun was back. I am very sure that the sun had set when I entered the temple again, with all the things needed.

Much more than what happened outside, what happened inside matters. I realized, even a casual miss is too costly. Reasons do not matter - missing matters. Reasons can be as logical as possible, as right as possible, as moralistic as possible, as perfect as possible, as responsible as possible but

missing is missing is missing. Reasons do not matter. That is the cognition I got. Only when He picked me up physically and turned my head physically and showed that the sun is not yet set, I relaxed, not that because the sun had not set, but because He was back with me, physically handling me and I had not lost Him. That mood that He did not stretch His leg was now complete. I had my Arunagiri Yogeshwara back and He had me back. Understand, that relationship matters. How Guru holds you matters. How you hold Him and how He holds you matters. If you don't give surprise to Him, He will not give surprise to you. If you hold Him the way He holds you, that is what I call Guru Bhakti, relationship with Guru - you holding Him the way He holds you.