1. Dialogues with my God

Love your neighbor, Love the world I had time on my hands. I was recovering from enforced rest following a back sprain. Let me talk to my God, I decided. So I visualized my God, my six foot tall Master, Nithyananda, with flowing mane, saffron robes and forever laughing. Were I to meditate, I have to drop His form. But, I wanted to talk, so the form stayed embedded. ‘May I ask you something?’ I asked. ‘When did you ever stop?’ He threw his head back and laughed. I refused to rise to that bait. ‘Why do you laugh so much, all the time?’ I asked. ‘Why is the sky blue, why is the rose pink? That’s my nature, that’s why! In any case, what do you want me to do, Look at all your monkey faces and imitate how serious and stupid you all look?’ This was really leading nowhere. I decided to try a different tactic. ‘Life is so full of contradictions. I want to be loved by everyone, but I do not seem to be able to love everyone. There are so many people I do not like. You say, let go. So, do I continue to dislike all these people and yet want them to like me?’ I asked. ‘So many things I say that you never follow. When I say let go, I mean let your likes and dislikes go. Who are you to judge others and say I like them and dislike them? On top of it, you want those who you dislike also to like you. Are you an idiot?’ My Master was just warming up. ‘I am not trying to dislike them. I can’t help it if they are so different from me. We have nothing in common. Their beliefs and value systems are so different’, I was getting defensive. ‘I see, and that gives you the right to dislike them, and yet demand that they like you. Do you know what you sound like?’ He queried. I knew I was getting into a deeper hole, but didn’t know how to get out. ‘Like what?’ I tried to be cool. ‘Like every other human being, animals are intelligent. A lioness kills sheep but doesn’t ask that the sheep love her. She understands the law of nature. Humans are idiotic. You will kill and say that you will not harm even an ant! Does even one word of what you say make any sense to you? the words came like hammer blows. 'Yes, I know that I sound confused, but what can I do? That's how I feel. I want to be loved, yet I cannot love everyone. Isn't that true of everyone?' I was pleading. 'You may be right, but that does not make you right.' His voice was deeply compassionate. 'Beneath the surface, deep within you, you are the same as every other human being; the same energy. Once you realize this truth, everything else will fall into place. You will have no negativity towards anyone, since you will look at them the same way as you look at yourself. They in turn will reciprocate your love.' 'What happens when people are so unhappy that they can no longer love themselves, let alone love others?' I ventured. 'Unfortunately this happens more often that you imagine. We all have high levels of attention need. From childhood we are taught that we need to be approved by elders to feel complete. When they disapprove, we are unhappy. That childhood experience continues into adulthood. If someone smiles at us, our day is made. If someone scowls at us, our day is ruined.' He continued. 'We depend so much on opinions of other people because we have no opinion about ourselves. This is not about the self esteem that is so prized in Western countries. That self esteem is often a false mask of rebellion. True self esteem and self love happens when you are brought up in an environment that accepts you for what you are. In turn you accept others as they are. You receive love and you give love. Meditation is an excellent technique that helps you to go within yourself and make you aware of your true self. Your true self is so pure that loving it, being in bliss with it is so easy. It is then simple to love others.' You know what! I find it difficult now to find fault with people; along with any perceived fault lines, more 'goodness' lines open up. There is nothing to judge or feel guilty.

I was sitting with eyes closed; thought I was meditating. 'That stone and you', said my Master 'you are the same. You both lie and wait. You take the pounding. You love to be shaped. You both have uses. After people are done with you, they break you, trash you, ignore you or cast you away.' My Master had said the stone and I are the same. I smiled visualizing I was a stone, as if the smile was etched, carved, or branded by forces of nature; a smiling Buddha in stone. 'Are you saying I am as strong as the stone, as hard as the stone and as big?' I asked, knowing nothing He says is so simple. I suddenly had a doubt, 'Could a stone simply roll down the mountain?' He laughed, 'You are clever, aren't you? You can roll down, you can erode, you can crumble, and you can corrode. Go deeper.' I became thoughtful. I let His words seep in. I looked within. 'I may break, I may crumble, and I may chip and wear down. Yet, deep within I am every bit the same as the mountain I was. Deeper within I am that molten energy whence I became the stone.' 'You are getting there', He said, 'discover yourself. Discover your real Self. That can never crumble. You are right, you are not the stone, you are not the mountain, you are just the energy within.' Came a day when I felt I was shining. I felt I had been molded and polished by Him. I felt I was ready, but not sure for what. Ah, but I felt heavy. 'Why do I feel heavy? Can't you make me light? I can then be free and fly with You?' I pleaded. My Master said, 'You still are a stone. You have the identity of a stone. You are a stone because you don't listen to your body, to your soul, to your being.' He is right, but not as much as I would like him to be. 'I do not wish to be a stone, I wish to be a feather so that I can fly with you' I pleaded. 'I'll not spoon feed you', He said firmly, 'the path is for you to make.' I cry, I plead, I beg. I said, 'But Master, what will happen to the beautiful form you molded?' 'That was the stone. Are you a stone? You say you don't wish to be one.' He said. He had said look deep within. Let me seek, I thought. Let me seek answers to find out who I am, and who I wish to be? 'Am I a stone? I don't think so. No not at all. Why did the Master say I was one? Maybe because I was one then, at the point I started. Now, I'm softer, more like clay. I'm neither soil nor stone.' I began to burn from within. The debris-like images, memories, desires and attachments slowly dissolved. I seemed to shrink, grow lighter. Finally I looked one day at the Master with no feeling. I saw not the Master, but a grain of sand, just like me. 'Now' said the Master, 'you have evolved into the highest form of stone. You are not a stone, but a fine grain of sand.' 'I am still the same substance, Master, even if I am of a finer grain' I said. 'That you are, that you were, and that you will be always, but, you did not know that was what you really are. Now, you know. You can now fly. You can do anything you want. You are a stone no longer' He said. 'Come fly with Me.' Tears flowed down. I was one with Him. He had said I shall be in you when you drop Me. I am now complete and replete within and without. The Master is my universe I care not to comprehend. I cannot. But I know! Master sits in blissful silence. I sit waiting in joyful silence. Two crabs walk by and say, 'Hey, look at these two stones. They look massive!' I am still a stone to the outside world. I'm sand within, just a bundle of grains of sand. All truth, all love, all Universe and my Master wrapped into that. He says I am light. People may think I am heavy. I care for neither. Yes, I am both and more. Transformed within, transparent to the master, translucent to the world, I live like a stone. My Master said I am a stone. He, of course, is right. The stone and I are the same. The stone didn't make a mountain. It stood alone and by the truth of Master's word, by His love it became a grain of sand. The transformation was complete!

Mythology has it that Yudhishtra told his father Yama: The greatest mystery of mankind is that everyone thinks one is immortal, even though one sees others dying around them every moment. I asked my Master: Do you really think that this is the greatest of all mysteries of life? He answered inscrutably: Surely this is one of the greatest paradoxes. I persisted: What do you think is a greater paradox? He said: When I see people suffering and yet cling onto desires which in turn bring sufferings, I wish they understand that this is the greatest paradox of them all; chasing their desires hoping happiness would follow. ‘Why not’ I asked, ‘Once you lose hope and stop seeking and desiring what is there to live for?’ ‘Desires, unless truly fulfilled, breed more desires. It is a never ending vicious downward cycle. What one feels as happiness as one’s desire is fulfilled turns into anxiety, fear and greed as another desire succeeds it; and finally into sorrow, when the desire does not get fulfilled.’ Master said firmly. ‘Perhaps what you say is true, but I do feel quite happy and contented when I get what I want. Why worry about what happens later? You have said to live in the present moment!’ I knew I was pushing my luck. Master said with a gentle smile, ‘When it suits you the present moment is always handy. This happiness you feel is the gap between two sorrows; it can never be permanent. It is like saying we are at peace, because there is a ceasefire in the battle!’ ‘You said unless desire is fulfilled it will breed more desires and cause sorrow. What do you mean by that?’ I asked, now piqued. ‘We are all born with definite needs that the Universe provides for. Just let go and flow with nature, these needs will be fulfilled. However, as we grow up we accumulate wants born out of greed, fear and jealousy to our needs. These wants can never be fulfilled. They will only lead you down into sorrow,’ Master said without a smile. ‘I do not understand this difference between need and want’, I was confused. Master said gently, ‘Listen. What you need to survive is one meal a day. What you need to wear is one piece of cloth, if you feel that it is necessary. What you need to sleep on, is six feet of ground. These are your needs. Would you be able to make do with these?’ 'Of course not, it's preposterous! What will people think if I eat one meal a day, wear one saffron cloth like you, and sleep on the ground?' I expostulated. 'Ah' He laughed, 'Now we have gotten somewhere. What will people think? So your happiness is based on what others think, not what you feel you really need?' 'You know, you are too smart for me. I am not questioning you to show my knowledge. I really do not know. I want to understand. Please tell me where I am going wrong.' I was close to tears. His deep compassion lit deep into me. 'I know. Remember this. When I gave up my parental home this whole world became my Home. You become happy not by becoming materially wealthy, but by limiting your needs. Would you rather grow wealth and then chase health? A so called poor man eating his one square meal a day eats it with so much of delight. Do you ever see that in a person dining in a five star restaurant? Instead of walking you drive and then you complain you don't have time to exercise? Do you really think you are living in the present moment?' My Master said that living within one's real needs is called 'aparigriha', and is one of the five factors of 'yama', in the Ashtanga Yoga of Patanjali. This is also one of the five basic vows taken by sanyasins (saints). Today, I am surprised that things which used to seem so important to me a while ago are so irrelevant to me now. A genuine internal need that arises from present moment awareness has replaced the wants spurred on by what others may want of me.

My Master says that children below seven years of age have no need for any meditation. They are naturally free and independent in spirit and blissful. They are not conditioned. He himself is like a child. I have seen Him playing with toys with intense awareness that would have done a four year old proud. ‘Why do innocent and free children grow up to be monsters’ I asked Him. ‘I did not say they were innocent. I only said they were already in bliss.’ He said. ‘They are in bliss because they are innocent and corrupted, aren’t they?’ I asked. ‘If you call innocence a state of total lack of conditioning, total lack of engraved memories or samskara, then newborn or even unborn infants are not innocent. They too carry the samskara of previous birth known as prarabda karma. But, if the level of conditioning is limited to this and not added on, they can still be bliss.’ He said. ‘I don’t understand’ I asked, ‘if they do have baggage that they carry, they will still be affected, and depending on the baggage, they can be sad as well.’ ‘If you keep children away from adults’ He explained, ‘and do not expose them to yes and no, do this, don’t give these instructions till about the age of seven they will do everything naturally. They will not be afraid to explore. They will not be limited by conditioning, which is what induces unhappiness.’ ‘Let me tell you a story’ He went on,’ two pet dogs met on the road being walked by their owners. One said to the other ‘My name is Jackie’. The other said ‘I am Don’t do that Harry’. ‘What’, queried Jackie, ‘what a funny name!’ Don’t do that Harry explained: every time I do something they always call out, Don’t do that Harry. That’s what I think my name is.’ He laughed, ‘that’s how we bring up children too.’ ‘What will happen then, if parents do not at all control children? Would they not be in danger? Will they not get into accidents?’ I was doubtful where this was leading. ‘When you design households and living spaces in a manner that you need a PhD degree to operate a TV remote, you are asking for trouble. We design dangerous places with floor level electrical outlets, steep staircases, slippery floors and unsafe roads, and expect that we learn to live in such dangerous places. Why children? If you bring someone from a rural area and leave them in the middle of a traffic junction in Bangalore, that person has a good chance of ending up in a Hospital.’ He was warming up. 'So, are you saying we stop the world, move back from civilization and rear children', I sounded incredulous. 'Well, that certainly will be an improvement from where we are now. What you call civilization is a monster house, if only people are honest enough to admit it' He laughed, 'but you don't need to go that far. For a start we can stop educating children the way we do. We can teach them by example rather than by preaching. Children learn from our walk, not our talk.' 'So, you say that we lie to them all the time.' I was incredulous. 'Of course we do' He calmly explained, 'we tell them not to lie, and when someone is at the door we tell them to say we are not home. We tell them not to hurt other people, and father and mother are fighting all the time. Do you expect to believe what you do in front of them, or your lies?' 'You cannot make occasional events standard behavior. Most of the time parents do what they tell their children to do.' I tried to reason. 'You are a bigger idiot than I gave you credit for' He was unmerciful in being honest, 'Look around yourself and you will realize what I say is right. Take children away from adults and you will find that they are happy. That is how the ancient Hindu education system of gurukulam worked. Wise teachers took charge of children at a very young age and brought them up in natural awareness. Parents in turn learnt the wisdom to bring up the children without conditioning them till they were ready to go to these teachers.' 'Ok, I think I understand; but, I am not finished yet. I shall be back!' I was a bit miffed at being told the truth that I was an idiot!

In a discourse someone asked the Master, 'when was the Universe created?' He pretended as if going into deep thought and said,' I don't know. When I am next invited for a meeting with God, who made this Universe, I shall ask Him and let you know.' I asked Him once, 'You quote Buddha to say that the Universe never existed. What does this mean?' 'Just what Buddha said!' He said, 'I have scanned as far back as possible into the past and find no time that Universe and life did not exist. I have scanned as far forward into the future, and I find no time when the Universe will not exist. You and I may not in this form, but Universe and life forms will continue to exist.' 'But, scientists say that at one time there was nothing; no Universe and no living matter.' I persisted. 'I do not know about that. Science does not have all answers, never did and never will. All I know is the truth that I told you about. Take it or leave it.' He said simply. I asked a highly qualified bio-scientist recently: 'My Master says that life always existed. Science talks about abiogenesis, evolution of life from non life. How did this happen?' He was an honest man. 'Science has no clue, and scientists who say they do, are lying. There are hundreds of theories as to how life evolved from non life. But what do we know? It was billions of years ago. If you ask me, we shall never know.' This was a guy who was working on stem cell research, cloning and creation of life. I had asked Master, 'You say man is woman, woman is man. Sure I can understand with man, he has x and y chromosomes; but a woman has only x chromosomes. How can she be a man?' Patiently He said, 'I no nothing about your chromosomes. Go and find out if that x and y themselves are purely male and female.', and then waved me off. I asked this bio-scientist guy, 'My Master says that all of us are of both genders. Man is part woman, and woman is part man. Is that scientifically true?' 'Of course, yes' he said, 'the woman is the default species. A bit of tinkering and man appears. At the very basic level the living cell is asexual, or if you will bisexual. It can reproduce by splitting. The final gender differentiation is a very superficial thing.' 'So' I asked Him, my God, 'What about Adam and Eve, Garden of Eden. How could Eve have been created out of Adam if the woman is the default species?' 'Look, don't get into things which you cannot understand intellectually. They are of no use to you as well. There never was a Garden of Eden or Satya Yuga. Each culture and religion talks about a glorious past that is the benchmark of purity, but these are creations of our minds. Just be in the present and be aware. That's what matters.' 'But, what about Eve? Did she come out of Adam's rib?' I persisted. 'You never give up, do you', he laughed, 'How does it matter who came first, or whether either of them existed at all? It is true that women are closer to their inner divinity than men are. Of that, there is no doubt. That's why from time immemorial, man has unfairly tried to control her by force, out of sheer insecurity.' 'Then, why aren't there many more women enlightened Masters?' I wasn't quite ready to give up my male advantage just because He said so. 'There are' He said, 'They don't advertise the fact, that's all. What do you know about enlightenment, anyway? Wait and see, I am here to redress that balance!' Women of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your men!

As I progressed or so I assumed with my Master, I did feel that my negativities dropped. I was far less judgmental and opinionated. I felt I was more loving. 'Is this compassion?' I asked my God one day, 'I feel so loving towards people, I feel no negativity. Is this unconditional love and compassion?' 'As long as you are not enlightened you cannot feel unconditional love and compassion. You may feel pity, empathy, sympathy, and whatever else you may call such an emotion, but not compassion.' He said. 'What is the difference?' I asked, 'I genuinely feel love for them. I am not looking for anything in return. There are no specific issues I need to be sympathetic to them for. What then is the difference?' 'As a result of your meditation, your association with me and the association of the people around me with whom you relate well, you feel highly positive energy. That's good, very good, but that is not compassion.' He said. 'I feel the same positive energy from you', I countered, 'and you say that is compassion.' 'Listen' He explained, when enlightenment happens one's boundaries disappear. The being becomes one with the Universe. Every other being in this Universe, living or non living, becomes part of one; one becomes part of that. There is no way one can think of another being without being related fully with that being. That is compassion.' 'What you are saying is that I am still bound in my own identity. Is that it?' I needed to know. 'Yes, to a large extent that is it. As long as your identity prevails, so long as you have not surrendered that identity to The Universe, your boundaries are intact. Enlightenment is when the ego disappears, haven't I told you that before?' He smilingly teased. 'Yes, of course, you have. You have also told us that we must surrender completely for the identity to disappear, but you never told us how!' I burst out. He laughed throwing His head back, 'Of course, I have. But then, you have to drop your ego, you have to surrender. I cannot do that for you.' 'So, it means nothing that I feel no negativity; that I feel what I think is love and compassion to others.' I was close to tears. He was deeply compassionate now. ‘Of course, it means something. It means a lot, in fact. The boundaries have started blurring, the identity has started dissolving. Whatever you are doing is right for you.’ ‘Where do I go from here?’ I wanted to know. ‘Just go with the experiences. Don’t try to verbalize them. Don’t try to compare them. Once you express, you will lose that experience. You do not as yet have the internalization of truth to retain the experience. Don’t even try to apply what I tell someone else to do for your own self. Each of you has to follow one’s own path. You have to carve your path. You have to walk your own path.’ Master’s love is the only unconditional love one can experience. What can I give Him in return? Whatever He does for me, for us, is out of sheer compassion. Master said to us, ‘I am not for sale. There is no amount that can buy Me. But, you can buy me with your love. I am very cheap. All I need is your love and surrender.’ My heart warms and melts as I hear the words again.

'One day you say that there is nothing called karma. Another time you say that we are what our karma is! Which one do we believe? Why do you confuse us so?' I was querulous. 'So, you are blaming me for your ignorance?' He baited. 'No, only for the confusion you could have avoided causing', I knew I was taking a chance. 'Listen' He said patiently, 'there is no uni-dimensional truth. The truth exists at different levels depending upon your evolution and understanding' 'Which means that I am an idiot, and I do not understand.' I persisted. 'Of course, that goes without saying. But what I am saying is this. For you and others, karma does exist. What you do rebounds. For me, for enlightened beings, there is no karma; it has been dissolved.' Master was still patient with His foolish disciple. 'Yes, I do understand that. You have explained that to us. But you also say that even for us there is no karma if we fulfill our desires. You said that karma is the fall out of unfulfilled desires. I do not understand', I was genuinely confused. 'That's absolutely correct. If you have a desire that you are able to fulfill completely you shall no longer have that desire. It is the carry over desire that causes consequences you term as karma.' Master continued. 'Karma is action, that's all. You have seeds of desires in you which are planted by looking at others. Someone has a bigger car, bigger house, and you too must have. So you work, you act to fulfill that desire. But, that desire is not your own. You borrow it from others. So, as soon as one desire is fulfilled, another comes, another house bigger than this, another car faster than this. Will it ever end? So, karma continues.' 'All our desires in that sense are borrowed, aren't they? We learn from others, we imitate others. So, how can I fulfill any desire in that sense?' I felt defeated. 'Desires that you are born with are your own. These are your basic needs. Ramana has said that this universe can fulfill the needs of all its 6 billion population but it can fulfill the wants of even one individual. It is the wants that you borrow from others that cause problems. That's what Buddha referred to when He said desires cause sorrow.' Master explained. 'Two questions then. What are the desires I am born with? And how do I avoid borrowing desires from others?' I was truly curious; for a change He was not deflecting me. 'Brilliant. Sometimes, just once in a while, you can think.' Master was nothing if not sarcastic, 'What are the desires you are born with, I shall explain another time. Let me explain how you can stop borrowing desires.' 'You compare yourself with others and become dissatisfied because you lack the awareness of your own uniqueness. As I once said before, the richest man is not the one with the greatest wealth but one with minimum need, because I have no home of my own, the entire world is my home.' 'It's easy for you to say; you are enlightened. You are a sanyasin, in fact beyond that. What about me? I am still bound by family ties.' I was getting frustrated. 'When I left home forever, I was only seventeen. I had no clue if I would become enlightened or when', His tone had softened, 'You can live with minimal needs with far greater happiness if you decide to, right now, in this moment. You only need to ask yourself what you are here for. It is never for fulfilling material desires. Human spirit seeks something beyond material wealth. Go deep within to rediscover what you know already.' It is His grace, infinite grace that sustains me in this path. Even without any special attempt desires drop. He says to go deep within. When all that I am is filled by Him, wherever I go it is Him I encounter. What more can I ask?

That Doesn't Mean Great I invited Master into my meditation. Master guided me in silence, 'Take a look into you. Are you in the present? Are you living 'here' and 'now'? Where is your body and where is your mind? Are you feeling the sensations in your body? Do you know where your body hurts? Do you know what thoughts are chasing your mind?' 'Yes, I am in the present. I listen to everything around me. My body and listening are grounded in the environment around me. Yes, I can feel the heart pounding, the breathing pause, I can hear the rumbling tummy and I can feel the carpet with my feet. I do feel the keyboards as I tap. I also hear the air-conditioner hum its tune. I can smell the night blooming indoor flowers and smell of the rain outside. The thumb hurts, does it? Is this the awareness you want to me in, Master?' I ask. 'Where do you feel these observations coming from?' asked the Master suddenly. 'Outside Master' I said. 'mmm...' said my Master and turned away with an enigmatic smile. I saw Him toss his hair, and like a bolt of lightning the thought hit me. I stood stunned, numbed and drenched in wisdom. I gazed into the honest eyes, which opened a window to my soul. I gazed into the eyes full of promise and the determination to transform the world and everything in its path. The body vibrated with awareness; the surge of energy swirled everything in its path into bliss. I entered the dimension of vibrations where all was energy. Nothing lived, nothing died. All was alive and all was dead. Everything was ephemeral, except the energy of love. That energy chose Master's body to reside in to spill and spread over the world. Neither the body nor the love was a miracle of the Universe. The Master is a gift, a treasure, and a gem so precious that millions of lives waited for a loving glance with a heavy heart over the eons. 'I am neither the doer nor the receiver' said Master. 'To whom am I then praying and talking? Isn't it you?' No, I am just a witness. So are you.' This was getting complicated, ‘What are we witnessing, Master?’ ‘The joy that radiates in us. That is all...all that bliss’ He said, enjoying a wicked laugh at my confusion and bewilderment, ‘doesn’t mean anything special.’ ‘Oh!’ I felt let down. ‘The bliss is the beginning, the first step. Until that bliss can dissolve your bones, flesh, hair, nails, and you are nothing but liquid and molten inside, it doesn’t mean great things...’ ‘And I should feel like this all the time?’ I inquired, seeing ahead. I saw a path that was perhaps best left un-trodden. ‘You know’ said my Master, as an aside, with a twinkle in his eyes, ‘all this doesn’t mean anything great.’ ‘Then what counts Master?’ I was pleading. ‘Being yourself. Accepting yourself. Loving yourself.’ I blinked. ‘What about devotion, love, affection, feelings...’ ‘nonsense, all fantasies your mind creates.’ But the smile was compassionate. ‘Is it being me, is it the little spark I find deep within; no form, just the energy’ His eyes were laughing, ‘You have got it, go with it’.

It was a long list of chores, all mundane, all unremarkable, that I tackled before I headed to be with my Master. The journey was long but I was light and willing. No luggage and with lots of time to reflect and meditate. I thought I had reached early. But before me were thousands milling who waited to be with Master. I followed them all, feeling neither relief, nor excitement. I watched them all from a distance, as if I was watching a dream. Soon we were herded in different rooms. Some were automatically sent to the room that read sorrow, others into room that said anger. People filed past me into rooms like: lust, love, pride, healing, ego, and finally came my turn. I saw the right room for me- Gratitude and I entered into it. There was not much space for me in there. I was small and I squeezed in. People continued to trickle in and bargained softly for better places. The things they bought for the Master never ceased to amaze me. Some had peacocks, some chariots of gold, some had diamonds, and some had silk robes. I even saw a huge mountain, a park with fountains, and a forest filled with sandal trees. Many came to me, to inquire if I was in the right room. 'How can you come empty handed in gratitude?' they asked. I kept silent for I knew not the answer. 'Can you help me hold this?' asked another. It was large, gem-studded palanquin. I could easily see Master seated in that. But, I thought I heard him say, 'I have good legs, thank you!' I laughed and laughed until tears drenched my dress. The Gratitude room went silent and my laugh echoed all around. 'Someone, please put sense into her,' muttered a man. Soon I stopped and into the hush came an announcement: 'line up please, in a single file. Master will be here to talk to you all.' I found myself at the head of the line. A lady with white elephants said, 'Please, may I, since you have nothing to offer.' Another said, 'I need to attend to my child, may I go head of you?' 'My bird can't take this wait any longer, may I?' I moved down the line feeling the burden of their gratitude. Soon I was out of the woods, into the highway, past the mountains, rivers, and over the bridges. The line was longer and everyone wanted to be one ahead. Just one ahead! Finally I came to the desert. I stopped there to find I was last in the line. All I had to do now was to wait. Master had said He would come. I heard people ahead of me mutter, ‘this heat. These bugs. O! I wish I had come months earlier to be in the lead.’ No matter how discomforted they were, they were always clear about quizzing me. ‘You have nothing to offer!’ ‘And you are in the gratitude line!’ I sat in the desert watching the sand weave patterns. I looked at the clouds and for an instant I saw not only the moon, but also the stars and rainbow. They all stood there waiting for the Master. I counted neither hours, days, nor thirst, hunger. I compared not with anyone. I was content just to be. Suddenly there was an increase in noise level. I opened my eyes and there He was! He was in front of me. A surge of tears, a reserve I never knew I had conserved, tumbled out to wash my Master’s feet. I fell prostrate and pressed my forehead on His feet leaving the trace of the vermillion I wore. Master said nothing. Neither did I. Master said everything in a smile. I comprehended nothing. ‘Ma’ I could see His eyes twinkle, ‘I find elephants and palanquins intimidating. I prefer empty hands and hearts filled with love. Where is that seed of gratitude you brought Me?’ ‘I have none in hand, Master’ I said, confused that He knew all along. ‘Then take me to where you left it’ He said with a joyful laugh that brought the rainbow out in the skies. We tread across the same sand, Master and I, and walked to the oasis. ‘It was only a desert when I planted the seed of gratitude’ I explained. Master nodded. ‘This is my seed of gratitude, Master, an oasis in the desert of life’ I bowed. ‘Live here Ma and let it grow’ He said choosing my favorite tree to sit under, ‘Let it will become the forest it once was.’ He smiled at me and my tears once again washed His feet of the vermillion I had applied to His feet.